On Friday morning, Marco Rubio dropped a merciless, mockery-filled takedown of Donald Trump. This followed a joint attack by Rubio and Ted Cruz at the CNN GOP debate. As if on cue, Trump announced an important news conference. The cable news networks eagerly pounced to see what Trump would reveal, and after 45 minutes past the promised time, Trump delivered a very depressed-looking Chris Christie.
Christie — whose boisterous, brash ways could rival Trump’s persona — stood at the podium and delivered a rather muted endorsement of his formal rival. Christie dropped out of the race in early February after poor showings in Iowa and New Hampshire. The motives here are plentiful. Much like Sarah Palin, Christie could be looking to join a presidential ticket, but he seemed so gloomy that perhaps there was a shock collar involved? He just endorsed a 9/11 truther, which will require some future explaining. For now, Christie appears to have lost his soul.
Christie explained how he joined with Trump out of respect. He also believes Trump is the only candidate who can defeat Hillary Clinton. That’s a good explanation to hold out to GOP voters, but really, Trump and Christie are also joining forces against another common enemy — Rubio. Trump took the mic and congratulated Christie on causing the robotic Rubio “meltdown”: “He didn’t even know where he was. I thought he was gonna die. Good going, Chris.”
Trump also responded to Rubio’s morning attack by calling it a “little act” from “a desperate guy.” Trump then said Rubio could never be president because “I have never seen a human being sweat like this guy sweats.” This is coming from a guy whose pit stains are as bold as Trump Tower.
Naturally, people are puzzled about Christie’s endorsement, and they have criticisms, theories, and memes (plus a bonus reaction from Trump himself).
One person is really, really happy about this endorsement. This is probably the best day Ann Coulter’s had in years.
After the news conference, Christie introduced Trump at a Dallas rally. Trump spent a great deal of time explaining how “low life” Rubio “puts on his makeup with a trowel” to stop the sweating. Then Trump imitated Rubio’s infamous love of water bottles.