— CNN (@CNN) July 26, 2017
Before getting into less pressing matters, like Donald Trump banning all transgender people from serving in the United States military, newly-anointed press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders read a fan letter to the president.
After announcing on Wednesday that she’s “going to start the White House briefing every once in a while with a letter or an e-mail that we may receive” from “some of [America’s] forgotten men, women, and children,” Sanders read a note from nine-year-old Dylan, who also goes by “Pickle” and totally exists. “I like you so much that I had a birthday about you,” Pickle, who is absolutely real, wrote. “My cake was the shape of your hat.” He, a real boy, later wondered, “I don’t know why people don’t like you. You seem really nice, can we be friends?” Sanders replied to what’s definitely not a piece of paper with Anthony Scaramucci’s scribbles on it, “I’m happy to say that I directly spoke to the president, Dylan and he would be more than happy to be your friend.”
To be fair to Sanders, there are absolutely thousands of living-and-breathing young boys (and hopefully fewer girls) who want to be friends with President Trump. But “Dylan” isn’t one of them. Because he’s actually a pickle.