Even the most cynical of viewers tuning into Thursday’s Republican presidential debate, hoping to catch a glimpse of the circus it has become, didn’t expect it to devolve into the booger-eating, dick-measuring sideshow it turned out to be.
Last Sunday, John Oliver broke the Internet by screaming hard truths into a bottomless void with his “Make Donald #Drumpf Again” segment, that reminded potential voters that GOP frontrunner Donald Trump has proven to be very sensitive about the size of his hands.
In the days leading up to Thursday’s debate, Sen. Marco Rubio followed Oliver’s lead when he made jokes about Trump’s hands in public statements. Fox News debate moderator Bret Baier asked Sen. Rubio about those personal attacks, which provided an opening to address the issue himself:
“He hit my hands. Nobody has ever hit my hands. I’ve never heard of this one. Look at those hands. *Holds hands up* Are they small hands? And, he referred to my hands, ‘If they’re small, then something else must be small …'”
Hold onto your butts, folks. Here comes the money quote:
“I guarantee you there is no problem. I guarantee you.”
It appears not everyone is willing to take Trump at his word about his naughty bits being at least average size. #Girthers became a thing almost immediately — taking an obvious cue from Birthers — as people flocked to Twitter demanding that Trump put his money where his estimation on the adequacy of his sexual organ is:
— dan solo (@dansolomon) March 4, 2016
— Mike Blais (@JustBlais) March 4, 2016
— ADeacon (@ADeacon) March 4, 2016
— J. Kerr (@kerrthon) March 4, 2016
Finally, Republicans now understand there are two meanings for the word ‘shaft’. #Girthers
— Brad Chapman (@WeeingInTheWind) March 5, 2016
Yup, an actual dick-measuring contest. You’d have thought that there was no where to go but up from this portion of the debate, but Sen. Ted Cruz followed Trump’s performance up by maybe eating his own booger on stage? It’s a wild world out there.