“Look, you’ve got to be warned here: what you’re about to see is beyond graphic, probably not appropriate for your kids. Three-two-one, go.”
Based on that introduction, you’d think Sean Hannity was about to show footage of a child soldier beheading a baby bunny while rebroadcasting a Mets game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. But nope, he’s talking about [chugs seven medium-warm beers] SPRING BREAK.
Yup, it’s that time of year again, when Hannity reporter Ainsley Earhardt heads to a popular spring break destination — in 2014 and 2015, it was Panama City, Florida; in 2017, it’s South Padre Island, Texas — and narcs on some kids. You won’t believe the things she saw (you will): drinking on the beach, women in bikinis, men in “sorry, mom” hats, and “so much twerking, dude.”
While it’s true that some bad things happen during spring break, including American idiots chanting “build that wall” in Mexico and beach parties-turned-street brawls, it’s mostly harmless fun. The “spring break expose” has turned into a Fox News tradition because a) Fox News hates fun, and b) as Jon Stewart theorized, Hannity wants to see “wildly inappropriate T&A footage.”
He must have enjoyed this year’s report, then. The clip begins with three minutes of beach footage before heading back to the stuffy studio, where Hannity sounds like Steve Buscemi in 30 Rock while talking to Earhardt about drugs. He then segues into a discussion about Eric and Lara Trump’s baby, because of course he did. Spring break isn’t bad — Sean Hannity is.
Shoutout to this dude, though.
He’s living his best life.