Marco Rubio has kept a relatively low profile since Donald Trump kicked him in the back after a fatal election blow in Florida. He’s since made a few talk show rounds and appears peppier and happier while avoiding political mudslinging. Although he can’t stomach the idea of President Trump, Rubio says he’ll keep his pledge and support the Republican nominee. He won’t go as far to say he’ll vote for Trump, but the Florida senator would rather see him in office than Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders. This has to be a difficult stance to adopt after the real estate mogul mercilessly mocked “Little Marco,” who tried to play the Trump game to the internet’s delight and couldn’t swim with the biggest shark of all.
Despite maintaining a sense of dignity about his rival, Rubio unleashed a bizarre Twitter rant after finding himself a topic of discussion over Trump’s vice presidential possibilities. Of particular note is a Washington Post article that openly speculates about Rubio’s political future with insider-y language reported by Chris Cillizza:
Rubio, according to conversations I’ve had with people close to him, is sort of betwixt and between when it comes to his next move. Despite some urging to reconsider his plans to retire from the Senate, Rubio seems likely to stand firm and head out in November. What’s next is the harder nut to crack.
Well, Rubio found this report to be ridiculous enough to parody this gossipy reporting method in a Twitter rant. He quotes a “source close to Rubio” and a “longtime friend” while poking fun at the folksy “betwixt and between” choice of words while discussing a Zika debate and gym session:
A source "close to Rubio" says he was tired after long day & has decided to sleep for a few hours before tomorrow's ZIKA debate in Senate.
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
A "longtime friend" says Rubio is "betwixt and between when it comes to whether to chest or legs tomorrow at gym."
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
According to source who knows his cousins, wife's dentist, Rubio could do cardio instead.
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
Rubio also addressed “reporters desperate for content” who rely upon people who claim to be insiders. He linked the WaPo story and the notion that he’s “a bit at sea” while considering his next career move.
Unnamed sources "close to" often just people who want to sound like they are in the know. And reporters desperate for content just accept it
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
Word of advice, people often claim to know more than they really do because they enjoy status of being perceived as "in the know".
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
Another genius line claims that Im "a bit at sea in terms of his next step politically". Ummmm Not really. https://t.co/jiEYMugVHz
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
As for future in politics, well it's nearly impossible for someone not in office to ever become a successful candidate for President.Right?
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
Rubio also repeated something he’s said many times, which is that he can’t wait to become a private citizen after his Senate term ends. He’s ready to leave the spotlight, but hasn’t ruled out a future run for office.
I have only said like 10000 times I will be a private citizen in January.
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
Finally, he remembers that Twitter can get him in trouble, so he cuts the talk short in a self-aware way.
Ok that's enough for one night. Twitter isn't something you should just rush back into. You have to slowly increase the dosage…….
— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) May 17, 2016
And here we say farewell to ranting Rubio, who will likely find a kinder, gentler life waiting for him in the private sector wings. There’s no way he’d ever want to be a Trump VP candidate. Not only do the two differ on personal and policy levels, but Rubio would seriously injure his establishment reputation by signing on to that ticket. We may see him again, though, someday.