For the last month and change, liberal activists have been hitting Republicans where it really hurts: restaurants. Senator Ted Cruz, Homeland Security secretary Kirstjen Nielsen, and Florida governor Rick Scott are just some of the figures whose attempts to act like normal, non-harmful humans have been ruined by cruel and unusual activists, who’ve harassed them over policies and beliefs that could damage untold lives or even destroy the planet itself.
Another target? Fox News pundit and former bow-tie enthusiast Tucker Carlson — a man who once enlisted Fabio as an expert on the California economy. In a statement only slightly less sympathetic than Louis C.K.’s claims that he’s been “to hell and back” in the last year, Carlson said, while speaking on the podcast for conservative rag The National Review, that he’d decided to just forego the dining experience altogether, as per The Hollywood Reporter. Good for him, and for anyone who might have had to sit in the same public space with him.
“I can’t really go to a lot of restaurants anymore because I get yelled at,” Carlson revealed. “I don’t feel threatened, but having someone scream, ‘F*ck you!’ at a restaurant, it just wrecks your meal.”
Thankfully there’s one restaurant where he isn’t besieged by angry detractors, yet. “I go there because I love it and nobody hassles me,” he said. (THR theorizes he may be referring to The Palm, a D.C. steak house with a 3 ½ star Yelp rating.)
On his own Fox News show, the pundit — who during the Bush II era was once owned by Jon Stewart so hard that CNN cancelled his show that was named after the collateral damage caused in a shoot-out — has had tough words for powerless citizens who won’t let those who work for a man who kickstarted his presidential campaign by calling Mexicans “rapists” eat Mexican food in peace.
“If you scream at someone to the point where they have to leave the restaurant, that’s an act of wild aggression,” Carlson said last week, deploying the ire he could reserve for bigoted chauvinists caught on video violently attacking activists and spewing epithets on the streets of New York City this past weekend.
Alas, much of left-wing Twitter has not been moved by his overtures for civility, or at least sympathy for someone who the other day said Planned Parenthood performs “human sacrifice rituals.”
Carlson added, “I can’t wait for this revolution to end, so I can go back out to dinner,” betraying his optimism that the revolution will indeed end, perhaps in people like him ousted from their platforms.
So until people calm down about someone who last week said women who don’t report sexual assault are “part of the problem,” he’ll have to subsist on take-out. Perhaps under a fake name, though.