DimeBag: The Weekly Dime Mailbag, Volume VII

HOW TO SUBMIT: E-mail dimebag@dimemag.com with your question/story/idea and include your name and hometown.

I know I owe you a DimeBag, so withdraw the attack dogs and shelve your scathing words of antagonism. It’s here. Enjoy the next 10 minutes of ignoring your school/work responsibilities and join in on the pointless ramblings of usually un-resolvable and socially obscure quandaries.

Jesus Shuttlesworth, NY:

I won the Dime Ultimate Movie Baller Tournament! Whaddup!

Congratulations, Mr. Shuttlesworth. Let me take this opportunity to address some backlash regarding a one Sidney Deane. Many of you felt his absence from the tournament was appalling – shameful, even. A disgrace to Dime’s knowledge of basketball movies. Well, guess what? You’re wrong and I hate you.

Billy Hoyle was blatantly better than Sidney Deane throughout White Men Can’t Jump. For those of you who have forayed into the world of manly egoism, you know that half the battle of a game of one-on-one is mental maturity/stability. In such a short game, a bad attitude will find you sitting on the sidelines eating McDonald’s and complaining to officials with DeMarcus Cousins. Billy Hoyle was, and is (because his character is immortal, obviously) the master of trash talk. Even though it had that, “aw shucks” goading aura to it, it was manipulating and effective.

If you want to play the skill game, Hoyle did take down Deane at the beginning of the movie in a shooting contest. So there! But seriously, back to my insightful dissection of an important matter. Hoyle wins on swag. In a game of five-on-five, it’s not that big an issue. The swagging idiots get their buckets but kill their teams in the process. They foster selfishness and resentment, and pull the already non-existent team chemistry further apart. One-on-one just doesn’t have this. The mental edge is huge, especially when skill levels are generally the same. Should Hoyle have advanced to the finals? Maybe not – but he’s damn well pesky enough to pull something like that off.

James, Utah:

What percentage of people do you think actually wash their hands after going to the bathroom?

According to a quick Google search (I’m pretty sure if everyone’s Google search history were made public, we’d all be equally appalled. For instance, I searched “Hairy Indian man” one time only because someone told me that one of the Google Images of “Hairy Indian man” was someone he thought he knew. It wasn’t, but it’s forever in my search history. Feel free to share your weirdest searches in the comments – I’m sure I’ve done weirder, I just can’t remember.), only 82% of people wash their hands after using the bathroom. I only have to say one thing about that: It’s totally false.