DimeBag: The Weekly Dime Mailbag, Volume VIII

HOW TO SUBMIT: E-mail dimebag@dimemag.com with your question/story/idea and include your name and hometown.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable attending a sporting event alone? Are you lacking a white basketball hero? These questions and more are answered in this week’s DimeBag. Enjoy!

Sean, Baltimore:

Brian Cardinal or Matt Bonner?

Ah, the eternal question of white basketball heroism. Stylistically, we’re actually looking at two separate players. We all saw Brian Cardinal’s utter disregard for the standards of beautiful basketball in last year’s playoffs. Hard fouls, random three-pointers and tough defense define him. That, and an awesome Twitter account. So in my book he gets points for having some personality – a little flair to go with that bald head of his.

Matt Bonner unfortunately suffers from San Antonio disease. Meaning, no one really knows much about him besides his sandwich addiction. Sure, we’ve all seen the awkward three-pointer and red hair, but besides that he’s a relative unknown. But that’s what happens when you play in San Antonio. So to me, he’s more like that pesky three-point shooter that you constantly disregard and disrespect, yet always bites you in the ass.

Even though Bonner is probably the better player, Cardinal is the way to go. Neither man makes a huge difference on the court, so I’m going to take the guy I would rather grab a beer with.

Daniel, Chicago:

Here’s a scenario: You get limited access to any current or former (living) NBA players. You can get the honest answers to any three questions you have about events of NBA’s past/present, the players’ personal lives, famous events, unknown events, etc. What three questions do you want answered and who are you asking?

The player would be Kobe Bryant and my three questions would be:
1) What’s your biggest regret in life?
2) How do you actually feel about Shaq and Phil Jackson?
3) How does it feel knowing that you’ll never quite be as good as Jordan?

Those may not be the most exciting questions in the world, but I think we’re all curious. Kobe clearly has been playing with a chip on his shoulder since the beginning of time. Why? I have no idea. My only guess is that he’s the second coming of Jordan in terms of playing style, but just not as good. That’s got to piss a guy off, right?

Ryan, Madison:

Do the small market owners actually have any say in these negotiations? Seriously, they’re the ones that are ruining everything.

Probably. Just like the senators from Hawaii have a say even though they’re seemingly completely removed from everything. I mean, seriously. Everyone goes to Hawaii on vacation no matter how bad the recession. But anyway, I see what you’re saying. We’re only really in this lockout because small market teams are suffering. No money, stars fleeing to bigger cities and a baseball-like scenario on the horizon. To be perfectly honest, scrapping a few teams and trimming the league to 26 wouldn’t be so bad. It’s just that David Stern doesn’t want to lose a team in his final CBA. This is his legacy-maker, whether or not he admits it. So he’ll never let it happen.

Geoff, New Hampshire:

I know everyone’s freaking out about the first two weeks of the season being cancelled, but there are so many other sports I’m going on to watch. The baseball playoffs and football will carry me through to February. Only then will I lack something to watch.

I love how you left out hockey. I made a serious effort to bone up on my hockey knowledge, but I failed completely. I thought I’d get into it without basketball, but I was totally wrong. I’m just more into baseball and football now. They should seriously have a hockey-learning segment on SportsCenter as part of their lockout discussion – the NHL needs to take advantage of this void, so that’s how I’d do it. Either that or actually get games on a network that I’ve heard of.

DP, New York:

Have you ever gone to a sports game by yourself, for non-journalistic reasons, just as a fan? There’s an occasional stigma about eating in a restaurant on your own, but meals have to be eaten, company or not. Attending a sporting event on your own, to me, is more questionable. What are your thoughts?

Here’s the difference between attending a sports game alone and eating alone: everyone can see you eating alone. There are no one-person tables at restaurants. You’re either sitting at the bar (where some cover may be available) or you’re sitting on one side of a two-person table. You’re naked out there.

Blending in at a sporting event is way easier. No one cares about you. People are only concerned with screaming at officials and attempting to coach the team from 200 yards away. Plus, everyone’s your friend when the home team is winning. No one cares who you are when someone sinks a game-winning three – they’re hugging and kissing everyone and anyone. As long as you’re into the game, no one will notice.

Yet, as you say, there seems to be more of a stigma around sporting events. Well, screw you, societal convention.

That’s all for this week. Check back next Wednesday for Volume IX.

HOW TO SUBMIT: E-mail dimebag@dimemag.com with your question/story/idea and include your name and hometown. If you really insist on being a sketchy anonymous Internet weirdo, I guess I can’t stop you. So at least provide some sort of name and location.

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