‘The New Yorker’ Jokes That Netflix Will Release The Warriors’ Entire Season To Binge-Watch

11.24.15 2 years ago
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If you’re not familiar with “Daily Shouts,” it’s basically a satirical section of The New Yorker not quite on par with its stalwart counterpart, The Onion. It’s mostly hit-or-miss, but their story on Tuesday about the Golden State Warriors‘ entire season being released on Netflix (actually their new fictional subsidiary “Netsflix”) this weekend for binge-watching purposes was pretty funny.

Some of the highlights came via imaginary quotes from players and league personnel. Via Steve McPherson of The New Yorker:

“We try to stay abreast of current trends in media consumption,” N.B.A. commissioner Adam Silver said, at a press conference announcing the deal. “In this day and age, N.B.A. fans want to watch games when and how they like, so it just makes sense to release all sixty-seven of the Golden State Warriors’ remaining games at once.”

“At first, I wasn’t too sure about it,” the reigning M.V.P. and the N.B.A.’s current leading scorer, Steph Curry, said. “The path of a defending champ is a difficult one, beset on all sides by the demons of doubt and complacency, plus the ever-looming specter of injury. Why ruin the suspense? But the games are all scripted anyway.”

Embedded in all that absurdity are some key truths. The Warriors have spoiled us in the sense that we’ve come to expect playoff-style basketball from them on a nightly basis, which is a level of play they simply cannot sustain over the course of an 82-game season (can they?). Piggybacking on that, it also speaks to the sheer length of the season, which won’t culminate in the NBA Finals for another sixth months.

It’s difficult to imagine a future reality in which such a thing is possible, but then again, those of us in our mid-to-late 30s scarcely could’ve imagined the world that we are actually currently living in.

(Via The New Yorker)

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