You’d think a man kicking another man in his genitals wouldn’t require a lot of investigating. “Yep, that large man kicked the other large man square in the junk. Now let’s decide on the punishment.” That should take, like, an hour, tops.
But in the NBA, according to league Executive Vice President of Basketball Operations Kiki Vandeweghe, it’s a complicated matter that requires nearly a full day’s worth of research, discussion and interviews to decide on not suspending Draymond.
Here’s what Vandeweghe told USA Today’s Sam Amick:
I spent the day watching a bunch of film, watching comparables, talking to the referees, and the replay center referees, and we also do a thorough investigation.
We have professional investigators that conduct the investigation. They talk to the players, they talk to all the referees, including the replay officials, and they all come back and report to me.
That sounds very serious and professional. A man with “executive vice president” in his title conducting due diligence on an important matter that could affect the outcome of two teams’ seasons.
But really, it’s just some dude watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. He basically sat around for an hour, maybe two, watching dudes get kicked in the nuts. He probably laughed his ass off with his feet up, eating popcorn that dribbled out of his mouth as he giggled like a schoolboy in his first sex-ed class.
And investigators? Like, some dude in a trench coat walked up to a player and grilled him about what he heard or saw?
“Russell Westbrook? Dick Bales, Private Eye. Tell me what you saw.”
“Buddy, you have the Internet? I saw a guy get kicked in the balls. Love the trench coat though, I’ve got one just like it.”
This is all over a man very obviously intentionally kicking another man in the sacked lunch. Sports are great sometimes.
Anyway, the rest of the interview is just a grown man that prefers to go by Kiki instead of Ernest (his real name) talking seriously about a crane kick to the ball bag and how it wasn’t worth a one-game suspension and how referees are great.
(Via USA Today)