There’s nothing I enjoy more than when someone says, “Hey, wanna write about Kobe Bryant?” It’s because Kobe is a selfish weirdo that throws teammates under buses and is essentially begging me to make jokes about him. It’s a pleasure. I welcome the opportunity.
But what about when the story is a goofus shooting a video of him and his family eating at a restaurant that may or may not be a Johnny Rockets? Do I understand why after all these years Kobe would crave and welcome any attention from anyone, especially someone pointing a camera at him? Sure. But come on, man. Let them enjoy their milkshakes, idiot.
I will take issue with the Kobe “death stare” because let’s get real; that stare doesn’t mean much when you’re in public and he knows a camera is on him, and it really doesn’t carry the same weight when Shaq isn’t standing right behind him.
What should Kobe have done? He should have walked to the table, taken the phone and tossed it directly into the garbage. Damn, wait, he missed. Give him the phone again. Missed another one. Come on, Kobe, maybe let someone else… oh, he’s tossing the phone and he missed another shot. This is getting uncomfortable to watch. Oh, he did it! He threw the phone into the garbage from 15 feet after missing three times earlier. I bet if you gave him 50 attempts he could have made that shot 20 times. What a legendary performance.
(h/t Bro Bible)