When the confetti settled, the spilled champagne dried, and the city ran out of poutine, Toronto Raptor fans were faced with an urgent reality. Despite the euphoria of the Raptors very first NBA championship, the man that took them to the promised land is set to be a free agent. Kawhi Leonard won Finals MVP in his first season with the Raptors, but the allure of teams like the Los Angeles Clippers remain. Can Toronto hold on to the Board Man? And what happens if he bolts?
Out of that uncertainty, a hero emerges. A man, dressed in a Kyle Lowry jersey, wandering the streets of Toronto with an enormous plant, to be exact. He is “Plant Guy,” and his mission is to keep Leonard in Toronto by offering him a large, green housewarming gift.
“It’s a housewarming gift for Kawhi,” Plant Guy says, hoisting his plant to the heavens. “He’s staying.”
Plant Guy is waiting for Leonard, currently thousands of miles away celebrating a championship in Oakland. But that cannot deter his confidence that a comically large plant, plucked from who knows where, will keep Leonard in Canada.
“When you see him, tell him I got him a housewarming gift. Tell him I love him,” Plant Guy continues. “Tell him thank you for the shot.”
But what is this plant? What is its genus? Plant Guy has the answer.
“It’s a plant for Kawhi. It’s a Kawhi plant,” he says.
But wait. An epiphany strikes! It is a specific kind of Kawhi plant. A rare breed only found in the most remote corners of Toronto.
“It’s a Kawhi cactus. A Kawactus.”
And with that, Plant Guy disappears back into the night, his Kawactus in tow. But before he goes for good, he has one more thing to say. One more thing that Kawhi, and the world, needs to hear.
“WE. THE. FOREST!” Plant Guy shouts. And with that, he is gone. A hero. A botanist. A true Raptors fan.