The whole world is head-over-heels for Riley Curry, the devastatingly adorable daughter of the league’s Most Valuable Player, who in just a few short weeks has risen from veritable obscurity, to media darling, to bottomless well of internet meme fodder.
But I’m not buying it.
I see right through the facade, and what I see is a sinister, covert quest for total global domination. That continued Friday at the Warriors’ championship celebration, but this time via a rare and fleeting moment of bashfulness. This behavior was at odds with what we’ve come to expect from the precocious young toddler, who normally seizes every opportunity to steal some shine from everyone around her, whether she’s shushing daddy during a post-game presser, playing hide-and-seek with a room full of reporters, or demanding to have her picture taken with the Larry O’Brien Trophy.
We’ve learned that Riley is an avid Big Sean fan, so when she made her holy triumphant Simba-like appearance at Golden State’s victory extravaganza, the crowd desperately expected her to drop a few bars (as she’s done before), but a visibly exasperated Riley wasn’t having any of that and went into full diva mode, refusing to perform altogether. It’s exhausting being a worldwide child sensation.