Somebody Stole Shaquille O’Neal’s Pants And Now He’s Living The Dream

Shaquille O’Neal found himself sans pants to start the NBA on TNT pre-game show tonight, and at halftime, things haven’t quite improved. Someone managed to find him a pair of pajama pants, but frankly, that raises more questions than it answers. For one, Shaq is not a normal-sized human. Who found pants that fit him on set? Does this mean he keeps pajamas on set to wear before and after the game? Or is there a production assistant on set who is somehow also seven-feet tall and over 300 pounds?

Theories abound about who stole them from his dressing room, with Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley currently leading the polls.

But what if it was…an outsider?

As far as we’re concerned though, whoever did it did Shaq a favor. Pants, especially suit pants, are terribly uncomfortable. Nobody likes wearing them, and anyone who says they do is lying. He sits behind a desk for most of his job anyway; it’s not like you can tell from the front camera. For all we know, Kenny is pants-less behind the desk every game!

Keep living the dream, big man, the dream of bloggers and screenwriters everywhere: the dream of working without pants on.