On Monday, ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith said some threatening things on live television about Kevin Durant. It seemed like some crazy sh*t for a “journalist” to say. But to Stephen A., it was just another day, like any other, as we learned when we recently had the chance to tail Smith for 12 hours.*
6:30 a.m.
MRS. SMITH: (rolling over in bed) Have a good day at work, hon.
STEPHEN A: (straightening tie) This is both disgraceful and scandalous.
MRS. SMITH: (sighs) Forgot how to tie your tie again? Here, lemme help.
7:08 a.m.
STEPHEN A: This is outrageous, egregious and quite frankly, nefarious.
CASHIER: That’s the normal price for an Egg McMuffin, sir.
7:17 a.m.
GAS STATION ATTENDANT: Regular or unleaded?
STEPHEN A: LeBron James cannot finish in big games. It’s quite obvious to me.
GAS STATION ATTENDANT: Do—do you want gas, or…?
7:43 a.m.
ESPN INTERN: Good morning, Mr. Smith.
STEPHEN A: It’s outrageous that you would assume something like that. You got rocks in your head, son.
ESPN INTERN: (sighs) I’ll get your coffee.
9:12 a.m.
STEPHEN A: (sitting in bathroom stall, reading newspaper) Tony Romo is not a winner. He’s a loser! Outrageous!
GUY IN NEXT STALL: Um…
9:58 a.m.
STEPHEN A: If you don’t like me, don’t watch me. Nobody’s forcing you to watch.
PRODUCER: Stephen, we’re ready for you.
STEPHEN A: Gotta go, Mom.
10:38 a.m.
SKIP BAYLESS: Hey, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.
DIRECTOR: And we’re live.
STEPHEN A: I’m predicting LeBron James to sign with the Chicago Bulls and the New York Knicks and play for both teams simultaneously.
BAYLESS: LeBron James should choke and die.
DIRECTOR: (muttering to himself) The fu—
STEPHEN A: LeBron James.
12:13 p.m.
STEPHEN A: (shaking newspaper in intern’s face) I never said these things! The media needs to fact-check its stories more closely! These are brazen attacks!
INTERN: Sir, that’s an ad for tractors?
1:22 p.m.
STEPHEN A: (quietly eating a cold bologna sandwich at a cafeteria table by himself)
4:09 p.m.
STEPHEN A: I am disappointed in you and, quite frankly, embarrassed to be associated with you.
STEPHEN A IN MIRROR: I knew you were going to say that and, quite frankly, your predictability has become a joke and a disgrace. You have made an enemy this day.
STEPHEN A: Quite frankly, you are a coward.
STEPHEN A IN MIRROR: Quite frankly, outrageous.
SKIP BAYLESS: (poking head into office) My wife left me.
6:13 p.m.
STEPHEN A: (gets home, tosses hat onto coat rack)
MRS. SMITH: Good day at work, dear?
STEPHEN A: (smiles) Great day.
*We did not actually spend any time with Smith and we apologize if you thought this was real.
