I SAW MOVIES THIS YEAR! I HAVE OPINIONS ABOUT THEM! BEHOLD AS I ARRANGE THEM NUMERICALLY!
Look, I’m not going to start by apologizing for the movies on the list. We all know the idea of assigning movies numerical value is ridiculous, but that doesn’t stop us from reading lists, comparing lists, and arguing about lists. It’s human nature, like love, or pooping. At some point, you just have to sack up and commit to the format. That said, it’s a truth critics rarely acknowledge: no one saw every movie that came out this year. I saw fewer foreign movies than I usually do, and in retrospect, I should’ve spent more time watching those and less time on The Last god-d*mned Airbender. Oh my God that was terrible. People are entitled to their opinions, but anyone who liked that movie should be locked a cage and buried in the forest.
Anyway, enough foreplay, it’s time to drop your panties. Here are my favorites of this year. KNIVES OUT! GRRR, MIXED METAPHOR!