Someone asked me if any good movies were coming out this weekend, and I confidently answered no. There was a crappy, derivative rom-com (The Vow), a crappy derivative Denzel Washington movie (Safe House), a crappy derivative 3D re-release of the second worst Star Wars movie, and whatever you call that one where The Rock rides giant bees (Journey 2). Amazingly, the lowest-grossing of these four (Star Wars) earned $23 million. For comparison, the top grosser last week was Chronicle (which was actually good) with $22 million. Meanwhile, C-Tates’ amnesia joint with MC Adams earned FORTY-ONE MILLION. I have no explanation for any of this, except that we’ve been punk’d by reality.
The Vow beat out Dear John (ANOTHER C-Tates joint, which opened with $30.5 million a few years ago) for the biggest Screen Gems release ever. It was also the sixth-highest February debut, and the third highest for a romantic comedy behind Valentine’s Day and Hitch. The audience was 72 percent women, 55 percent under 25, and probably 100 percent with wet panties from that mumbly dreamboat C-Tates, the new wigger-king of America’s box office.
Also, I’ve made C-Tates into a centaur, which I’ve dubbed the Chantaur.
| This Week |
Last Week | Title |
Studio | Weekend Gross | % Change | Theater Count / Change | Average | Total Gross | Budget* | Week # | |
| 1 | N | The Vow | SGem | $41,700,000 | – | 2,958 | – | $14,097 | $41,700,000 | $30 | 1 |
| 2 | N | Safe House | Uni. | $39,300,000 | – | 3,119 | – | $12,600 | $39,300,000 | $85 | 1 |
| 3 | N | Journey 2: The Mysterious Island | WB | $27,550,000 | – | 3,470 | – | $7,939 | $27,550,000 | $79 | 1 |
| 4 | N | Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (in 3D) | Fox | $23,000,000 | – | 2,655 | – | $8,663 | $23,000,000 | – | 1 |
| 5 | 1 | Chronicle (2012) | Fox | $12,300,000 | -44.1% | 2,908 | +1 | $4,230 | $40,167,000 | $12 | 2 |
| 6 | 2 | The Woman in Black | CBS | $10,300,000 | -50.7% | 2,856 | +1 | $3,606 | $35,456,000 | – | 2 |
| 7 | 3 | The Grey | ORF | $5,080,000 | -45.4% | 2,801 | -407 | $1,814 | $42,822,000 | $25 | 3 |
| 8 | 4 | Big Miracle | Uni. | $3,900,000 | -49.7% | 2,133 | +4 | $1,828 | $13,200,000 | $40 | 2 |
| 9 | 8 | The Descendants | FoxS | $3,500,000 | -23.1% | 1,581 | -457 | $2,214 | $70,729,000 | – | 13 |
| 10 | 5 | Underworld Awakening | SGem | $2,500,000 | -54.6% | 1,657 | -979 | $1,509 | $58,900,000 | $70 | 4 |
[via BoxOfficeMojo]