A 32-Year-Old Texas Man Is Suing A Stripper To Get His Harry Potter DVDs Back

05.20.14 5 years ago 45 Comments

It’s a tale as old as time. You give a stripper your stuff so she’ll be your girlfriend, but then she stops being your girlfriend and won’t give your stuff back. Lindsay Lopez still has my best Pogs so I totally feel this guy’s pain.

Robert Wallace, who works as a software developer, told KRIV that he thought he was in a “dating relationship” with exotic dancer Nomi Mims. According to Wallace, he loaned Mims about $2,000, a laptop and his Harry Potter DVD collection.

They “broke up” on May 3, Wallace said, and he waited a week for her to return the items because “I know how stubborn she can be.” [RawStory]

Those are some brutal sarcasti-quotes. “Ooh, so she was your ‘girlfriend’ and you were ‘dating,’ huh? Did she also say you had a ‘nice haircut,’ and a ‘cool shirt?'” I think 1985 Billy Zabka might have typed this.

I always enjoy the way local news reporters have to pretend they’ve been living in a make-up cave full of blue blazers their entire lives. “Well this might be a first. The first I’ve ever heard of it, Bob. A 32-year-old man has filed A SUIT against a STRIPPER.”

Really? This is the first time someone has ever sued stripper? “First I’ve ever heard of it, Bob.” Kudos for the live shot outside the strip club parking lot there though, it really ties the story together.

Mims insisted that the two were not dating, and that the items were gifts.

“I don’t believe in loans because I don’t want to pay anybody back,” she explained. “I’ve given him gifts too. You know, how do I get my booty and boobs back?”

Weird, I just heard the Maury studio audience cheer, and I’m sitting alone on my toilet.

Here’s Nomi Mims explaining the situation on the “Mad Hatta Morning Show,” where she says the closest she ever came to living with Wallace was using his address for her student loans.

Still no word on why she refuses to give him his Aladdin, Shrek, and Harry Potter DVDs back. Come on, lady, don’t be cruel, you know Harry Potter is specially designed for people who aren’t getting laid. Let this be a lesson to all the other software developers out there, never give a stripper your DVDs. At best, go with a Netflix password, that way you can just change it when things don’t work out.

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