“Starring Aaron Eckhart as a contemporary Frankenstein” is a real thing that Lionsgate spent money on

It’s been a while since I used to troll the industry trades and come across projects so lame-sounding that it was like found comedy, but leave it to Lionsgate to remind me of the old days, by announcing plans for “I, Frankenstein.” It’s not every day you come across a gem like “starring Aaron Eckhart as Frankenstein.” That’s right, proposterously movie handsome, cleft-chinned actor Aaron Eckhart, as Frankenstein. The only way a movie called “I, Frankenstein” could be good is if it was a Mr.-Smith-Goes-to-Washington-style tale that climaxes with Frankenstein giving an emotional speech before congress, a la Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. “Ladies and gentleman, I know I’m just a humble Frankenstein, a reanimated chimera made from from stolen corpse parts, but if there’s one thing I do know, it’s the human heart…”

Sadly, this does not appear to be the case.

Lionsgate has confirmed an updated release date for the comic book adaptation I, Frankenstein. Based on the graphic novel and original screenplay by Kevin Grevioux (creator of the Underworld series), the film stars Aaron Eckhart as Adam, a contemporary Frankenstein monster now living in a dark, gothic metropolis who finds himself caught in an all-out, centuries old war between two immortal clans. [FirstShowing]

The main thrust of the announcement was that the movie’s release has been changed from September to January 2014. Crazy, right? That they’d want to release a film about a contemporary Frankenstein in a gothic metropolis in January, and not in post-blockbuster, September awards-movie season? BUT HOW WILL THE OSCAR VOTERS REMEMBER IT COME JANUARY 2015, HOW?!?

Set in a dystopic present where vigilant gargoyles and ferocious demons rage in a battle for ultimate power, Victor Frankenstein’s creation Adam (Aaron Eckhart) finds himself caught in the middle as both sides race to discover the secret to his immortality. From the creators of the hit supernatural saga, Underworld, comes an action thriller written for the screen and directed by Stuart Beattie based on the graphic novel “I, Frankenstein” by Kevin Grievous. [ComingSoon]

Jesus, gargoyles, demons, and frankenstein, they’re really scraping the bottom of the royalty-free monster barrel now. What’s next, garden gnomes? Mummies vs. chupacabras? In conclusion…