Early last year, Universal pulled a Royal Tenenbaum and decided that the original cast of American Pie, after squandering their once-promising careers and flaming out in varying degrees of drug abuse and irrelevancy, would be best served back under one roof to pick up the pieces. An idea for a new film, American Reunion, was hatched (in which Jim becomes a YouTube sensation), and a release date was set for April 2012.
Now it has a teaser poster (above), and I don’t mind telling you that it’s confusing as all hell. So the poster for the original had a pie with a d*ck hole in it where Jason Biggs had tried to hump it because someone told him it felt like vagina. Now we have what looks like a new take on the old pie, but the nice, round d*ck hole is gone, in favor of a giant, messy gash. Would could’ve caused this? I suppose that’s the big question. Maybe Jason Biggs is in his mid-thirties now and trapped in a loveless marriage, and wanted to feel what it’d be like to have his balls licked like he used to? That could be a scrotum hole, I suppose. Or maybe Natasha Lyonne got hammered and passed out into a pie, and it was some kind of metaphor for dabbling in lesbianism? I don’t know. I have no idea. And then there’s that tagline. “Save the best piece for last.” And this presumably describes this torn-up pie that some dude probably just dipped his old balls in. Like, maybe it’s saying that the last “piece” you ever get will be this nasty old ball-bruised piece of pie that not even a hobo would want to eat? And why is it last? Is someone getting married? Or maybe the piece will be his last because he commits suicide afterwards? I don’t pretend to know these things, but either way it sounds pretty dark.