I’ll never forget where I was when I saw my first fart fetish video. Joe King and I were working at a deli together, and when our boss left one day on an errand, Joe took me in the back, booted up the office computer, and showed me a video of a Latin woman gently petting another Latin woman’s bare butt while whispering, “queso, queso,” until the first woman cut a fart so violent it blew the other’s hair back (this is important in reassuring you that the fart sounds haven’t been added in post). The one who said “queso” now exclaimed “Ay!” in pleasure and inhaled deeply. It’s not online anymore, but I’ll never forget it. It is my Kennedy assassination. This is why it thrills me now to report to you that Vanessa Chan from Untapped Cities has written an in-depth profile of a fart fetish video producer named Jacki who just so happens to live in San Francisco, same as FilmDrunk headquarters. Fitting. This profile also includes the sentence:
“The demand for fart videos is hot and recession-proof.”
That is the finest sentence ever written.
But first, who is Jacki and what does she do? Quite simply, this Bay Area native is a producer of farting videos. Her videos, which are posted on various fetish-exclusive sites are downloaded and paid for by hundreds of consumers. These video clips, featuring Jacki in various stages of undress, farting noisily into the camera, fulfill a niche community of men who get off on women farting. Yes, you read right. Men watch her fart and tell her how hot she is, how hard they are for her and her farts, and how much they want her to sit on their faces and fart on them.
You guys, this is the best day. I… I think I need a moment. (*wipes tear from eye*) (*cuts onion-y fart*) (*wipes another tear from eye*)
Jackie goes on to say that she initially got started in the fetish business when she tried to sell used ballet shoes on eBay and was inundated with foot fetish perverts. Then things really heated up when she needed to raise money for a lung transplant because of a rare lung disease. Man, porn back stories are even more tragic than comedian back stories.
“When people hear that I’m in the fetish business they think latex, S&M, piercings and dominatrix whipping stuff. Seriously Suicide Girls is so 1998. We’ve moved on to farting people!”
There’s no comma between farting and people, and I’m not sure if it was intentional. But whether we’ve moved on to farting, people, or we’ve moved on to farting people, both are accurate. “We’ve moved onto farting people” even seems like a fairly accurate description of one of her videos.
I inquire if there is a plot and script for each video like some porn videos have. She tells me it is a lot simpler than porn, and that the vast majority of her videos are candid and off-the-cuff. She simply turns on the camera, tells her virtual viewers just how badly she needs to fart, and lets it rip. She says it is that very sense of spontaneity that appeals to her clientele–they revel in the idea that someone accessible is doing something so taboo.
“All farts are not created equal. Some men like farting girls in underwear, some men only like white underwear farts, some like thongs, some hate thongs, some like farts through jeans, some like bare-bottom farts, some like women farting on furniture, like chairs, or couches or mattresses.”
Farting on the beach, there’s nothing better. I like farting when it’s wrapped in a sweater. IIIIII LIKE FARTING! (*thppt thppt thppt, thppt thppt*) (Yes, that was a Bow Wow Wow reference). But on a serious note, I like farts in a beautiful white dinner gown. In fact, if I had my druthers, I’d dress the farter in a beautiful white gown, and the fartee would be carrying a lacey parasol, and when she got farted on, she’d cover her mouth with her white glove in feigned surprise. “Ooh, good heavens!” she’d exclaim, coquettishly fanning the fart away with her handkerchief.
Of course when talking to an expert on farting, I have to ask the question, what foods induce the best farts? You’d think it would lots of bean burritos, but no, the key is sugar-free candy. According to my farts-pert friend, any candy that comes in a sugar-free form such as Worthers or Twizzlers, or sugar-free cough drops are the secret to monster whopper farts. These candies contain sugar substitutes such as isomalt, malitol and sorbitol which, if eaten in excess, can even go so far as to induce “wet” farts. Dieting candy-guzzlers, be very afraid. [via SFUntapped]
According to Frotcast Brendan, the best fart-inducing food is actually oatmeal soap, but probably only Frotcast Brendan would think of eating soap for the sole purpose of farting a lot. Lindy West sent us both this article, incidentally, and Brendan hasn’t responded yet. I assume he had to take the rest of the day off.
Anyway, definitely check out the entire article here. My main takeaway was that fart fetishes are still way less weird than foot fetishes. At least farting sort of involves private parts. Foot fetish people are the worst. Foot fetish guys prove that people can even get pretentious about masturbating.