Angie Jolie Is A Stone Cold Killer

Senior Writer
08.27.10 14 Comments

Having spent 15 years in prison, I can tell you that life behind bars is no glamorous feat. My crime? Being too handsome for my own good. And speaking of good looking, Angelina Jolie will play an ex-con in a yet-to-be-written tale of murder and suspense – Unforgiven. Meanwhile, I’ll be honoring the movie name Unforgiven next week at the Annual Dee Brown and Mike Jones Awards For Original Naming Excellence.

Jolie will play a woman (Ed. – what a stretch, you hack) who serves 15 years of hard time for killing two police officers. Graham King is producing this tribute to Ice T, while Christopher McQuarrie will eventually write a script, once he’s done making Tom Cruise look so awesome in films like Valkyrie. King and Jolie recently worked together on The Tourist, which leads some people to believe that they may be forming quite the working relationship. But I’m gonna stir the pot just for the sake of it and say that Jolie is adopting King’s illegitimate African love child. What? It’s a slow news day.

Pay your dues for your sexy crimes, Cinematical:

This is an interesting move for Jolie because, as Deadline points out, she doesn’t take on assignments until there’s a script for her to look at. This suggests that Jolie is forming a relationship with King akin to the one that Martin Scorsese and Leonardo Dicaprio have of late (King produced three of the four recent Dicaprio/Scorsese collabs; everything except Shutter Island).

Or, and this is just me postulating, there’s a guy in Hollywood who really likes working with a hot chick. Seriously, if you had millions of dollars and the ability to produce movies at your whim, would you spend days and weeks casting roles, or would you just cast all hot chicks? If King is as cool as I think he is, he’ll make Diora Baird play Jolie’s cellmate. Hijinks ensue!

I guess it should be noted that Angie (she likes when I call her that) isn’t actually attached to Unforgiven yet. It apparently just makes a blogger’s job easier to say that she is attached, so when she eventually signs on it’s one of those “I told you” moments. Either way, I’m gonna get some coffee and give somebody at Pajiba a wedgie.

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