Apparently ‘Asteroids’ Will Have A Writer

In case you forgot, Universal is still moving forward with a big screen adaptation of the 1980s video game “Asteroids.” The game, of course, was about a triangle that spins around in circles and fires at trapezoids that split into tinier shapes, supposedly representing giant rocks hurling through outer space. At some point, an executive at Universal said, “People would probably want to watch a movie about that triangle” and he cut a check for a few million dollars to buy the rights.

Now, the Lorenzo di Bonaventura production, being directed by none other than Roland Emmerich, has picked up a writer, who will somehow create a plot for this film, while pretending that Armageddon never happened. I like to think we all already pretend that.

Universal’s adaptation of the Atari video game Asteroids, meanwhile, will be written by Evan Spiliotopoulos. Matt Lopez (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) originally worked on the script. Spiliotopoulos was a writer on the upcoming Snow White and the Huntsman.

The trade says “the plotline for the film adaptation has evolved into the story of two estranged brothers that must team up to save Earth from an alien race.” [Via Coming Soon]

Hold on, an alien race? I assume they’re going to imply that creatures from outer space are suddenly firing giant space rocks at Earth and these estranged brothers will have to overcome their hatred of each other – probably because one married the other’s high school sweetheart or raped his dog, or something like that – to fly away in a triangle and spin around and break the asteroids into tiny little pieces. There, I just saved Spiliotopoulos a lot of time.