Armond White trollin': Calls Res Evil 'superior to Inception on every level.'

Senior Editor
09.16.10 19 Comments

I don’t always agree with the things insane New York Press film critic Armond White says, but I will defend to the death his right to say them.  His reviews are consistently entertaining and his trolling knows no bounds.  As Armond himself might say, “Armond White’s de rigeur verisimilitude looks positively moribund when compared to the au courant post-deconstructualized imperialist milieu.”

Today, the guy who got everyone’s panties in a bunch hating on Toy Story 3 and Inception is back, calling Resident Evil Afterlife “superior to Avatar and Inception on every level.”  That’s right, son, he went there. He puttin’ the whole system on trial.

Afterlife opens with deceptively dark movie homages to Demy’s Umbrellas of Cherbourg…

If critics and fanboys weren’t suckers for simplistic nihilism and high-pressure marketing, Afterlife would be universally acclaimed as a visionary feat, superior to Inception and Avatar on every level.

WAKE UP, SIMPLETONS!  YOU’VE BEEN THE VICTIM OF FALSE PERCEPTION!

Anderson toys with 3-D for artistic caprice, constantly shifting levels, distance, perspective, layers. Anderson redeems that techno-gimmick which James Cameron foolishly hawks as a gateway to new perception because he realizes it’s just a play thing, not a New Age talisman.

I WILL DRIVE THROUGH YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD IN MY ARTISTIC CAPRICE CLASSIC, WEARING A TALISMAN THAT SAYS ‘NEW AGE AIN’T SHEEIT’ LISTENING TO TUPAC AND MIND F*CKING YOUR WORLD VIEW!  JAMES CAMERON IS A BITCH, WOO WOO!

He’s a clear-eyed visionary who expiates videogame cynicism, insisting on imaginative potential. When Alice is resurrected from her android state (“Thank you for making me human”), it confirms Anderson’s ingenuity as a life force.

CALLING PAUL ANDERSON A GENIUS OR A GREAT MAN IS FOR BITCH-ASS MOMMA’S BOYS!  PAUL ANDERSON IS A LIFE FORCE PREGNANT WITH INGENUITY, MORE POWERFUL THAN THE FORCE, QI, DARK MATTER, STRING THEORY OR THE SIX LITERS IN MY ESCALADE, SO LICK ON THIS D*CK AND EXPIATE DEEZ NUTZ IN YO MOUFF, SON, SKEET SKEET!   MY ARMS ARE TIRED FROM OPENIN’ SO MANY CLOSED EYES!  SUCK IT, HATERS!  A DUBS OUT, BIATCH!

That’s what he was trying to say, anyway.

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