“Avatar is Satan” Pastor hates Twilight too. Jacob is “the Antichrist.”

08.20.10 8 years ago 43 Comments

Remember the super-hip pastor who said “Avatar is Satan?”  Well he’s back, and this time he’s not too pleased with Twilight, or any of the other supernatural romance books trying to piggyback on Twilight‘s success.  It may be a churchy abstinence parable to begin with, but it’s still a MORMON abstinence parable full of vampires. Fundamentalists bashing books is nothing new, and it makes perfect sense — the more well-versed in narrative device and metaphor you become, the more a strictly literal interpretation of the bible starts to seem like a less-good idea. And of course the fringe Christians have been always been down on anything with vampires or sorcery (see also: Harry Potter).  But I can’t help it, this guy is legitimately fascinating.

For one thing, it’s fun to hear him refer to Edward, Bella, and Jacob as “the beast, the false prophet, and the antichrist.” (Team Antichrist!)  For another, while he may not make any new or interesting points about why reading a book about vampires is bad, he’s oddly adept at “the rant”, and has solid comedic timing for a guy who’s crazy.  He’s actually funny if you ignore the basic logic of the things he says.

“That means you’re consulting with dead people!  It’s about sorcery, witchcraft, divination, wicca… dead people!  You know what? Dead people don’t talk to you!”

Haha, very true, Douche Kazoo, very true.  I’m with you so far…

“Demons pretend to be dead people!”

“Dead people don’t talk, that would be ridiculous!  Clearly it’s demons from hell using the dead people like microphones.”  Phew, good thing we cleared that up.  Hey demon, pass that sh*t, Kirk Cameron wants to sing “It’s Rainin’ Men.”

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