Senior Editor
04.10.09 25 Comments

This is the awesomest guy in the world. If this guy had worked in Patrick Bateman’s office in American Psycho, Bateman would’ve killed him immediately. Or at least he would’ve tried, but this guy would’ve used his card as a shield and scared Bateman back into the corner with his awesome hair.

-“It took me 25 years to design this.”
-“Yeah, it IS expensive. It’s about FOUR DOLLARS A CARD. Because of the STOCK.”
-“It doesn’t fit in a rolodex, because it doesn’t BELONG. In. A rolodex.”
-“It’s the kind of thing where your card should be SO GOOD, EVEN IF they DON’T LIKE YOU, they wouldn’t throw it out. Because it demonstrates INCREDIBLE. MARKETING. ABILITIES.”
-“Life isn’t about being liked, it’s about being EFFECTIVE.”

Long story short, your business card is lazy and impotent like the rest of the sheep. This guy’s business card leaves particles of your business card in its wind. Real business cards don’t have job titles. They go home and F the prom queen. Wait a second, does your truck have a step? I can’t even look at you.

[thanks to Dan for the tip. lunch is for pussies, Dan.]

And here’s that truck/step reference explained. It’s a little Howie Long commercial I like to call, HEY, NICE STEP, FAGGOT!

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