Ben Affleck directs ‘Nawt Anothah Bawston Cawp Movie’

Senior Editor
07.19.10 16 Comments

The fact that Ben Affleck directed it not withstanding, Gone Baby Gone was my favorite movie of 2007.  Affleck’s follow up, The Town, stars Affleck, Chris Cooper, Jon Hamm, Blake Lively, Rebecca Hall, and Jeremy Renner of The Hurt Locker.  As if that wasn’t enough reason to be interested, it’s Anotha Bawston Cawp Drama!  Only it’s nawt based on a fackin’ Dennis Lehane story this time, but rathah a nawvel by this othah queah, Chuck Hogan.  I don’t know his mothah, but I heard he’s gawt a half sistah in Southie.

Oh right, the movie. You’s’ll nevah believe this, but accohdin ta Jawn Hamm, theah’s 300 fackin bank rawberies a yeeuh in Bawston.  Wit some of ’em, da rawbahs even weah crazy masks like theyah fackin’ Skeletoah or sumthin. Anyway, he says theah’s a one-mile squeah neighbahhood in Bawston where all the rawbahs live.  Tawmmy, Shinah, Squeezbawx, Badgah — all the usual fackin’ hahd ons live down theah — prawbably by the hahbah. Anyway, so da movie’s kinda like that pictah with Stallone, Cawpland, cuz it’s about all tha hahd ons from around the neighbah hood.  But it’s also kinda like that othah movie wit Rawbaht DeNiro — Heat — cuz Affleck an’ Jawn Hamm, theyah like brothahs on different sides of the lawr a sumthin’. But it’s also kinda like The Depahted, because theyah’s some kinda fackin love triangle between the cawps and the rawbahs.  And Ben Affleck’s fawthah’s in prison, just like my fackin’ fawthah. It’s like every fackin’ Bawston cawp movie rolled inta one! Hey! Did I just see a fackin’ Sawx game in theyah?  GO SAWX!  I hope they’s use some movie magic to make ’em nawt play like such queahs this yeeuh.

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