The Best of Chet Haze’s Reddit Account (Allegedly)

Senior Editor
10.10.12 26 Comments

If you’re not aware, “Chet Haze” is the nom de rap employed by Tom Hanks’ second son, Chester, currently a theater-majoring fraternity dude at Northwestern. Long story short, he’s a human caricature, and he’s endlessly entertaining. Yesterday, Tom Hanks’ youngest son, Truman, did an AMA on Reddit, where the following exchange took place:

Haha I love Chet! He was a lot bigger than me when we were younger, so
when I annoyed him (which was a lot) he would rough me up (a lot). But
now that we are older, we are very close, like I am with Colin and

As for his music, I like some of it and other not so much. Hollywood
is good. I’ve never been one for hip-hop, except for some exceptions
in a few songs.

Love you bro. Surprised to see you on the front page! Congrats.

Holy moly, this is actually Chet. I just went through his post
history, and about 80% are posts on gonewild trying to pick up girls,
15% are cool stories from being around celebrities so often, and 5%
are pics of his bongs posted in /r/trees.

Obviously, we have no way of knowing whether is the real Chet Haze, but if it isn’t, it’s the most brilliant parody in the history of parodies, and the author must not be particularly interested in his work being read, because immediately after the above exchange, Reddit’s “Chet Haze” started a thread about how to delete his commenting history. Thankfully he didn’t figure that out before I got to it, because it is amazing. Let’s just say ThaBomb’s characterization is fairly accurate. I’ve compiled my favorites after the jump, in sections.

Compliments to Cam Girls (all on different posts)

So amazing girl.

I’ve got a weak spot for that pose in image 5. We need more, sexy lady.

You gotta be kidding girl, that ass is amazing.

More of this please. Love the look and your body.

Soooo Hot! Friended. Hope to see more in the future.

She’s hot

That was amazing. I love the anal stuff. Don’t see too much of that around. Would love to check out more.

Props to you for doing that. I’d love it if my girl did that.

I’d love to stroke it girl.

You can laser hair removal your ass? Does that hurt?

PERFECT Girl. You should come to Chicago. I’d love to take you out.

That girl is hot, they should let the show go on.

I’d make it overflow. Just sayin [From a post entitled “my p*ssy a(f)ter the hubby was finished pounding and filling it.”]

Girl I’d go for a drive with you on the 405 at 5pm.

Big fan Hayden, would you ever appear in a music video? [From an AMA with adult star Kayden Kross]

So hot. Just went through your pics girl. Keep it up. Sexy as hell.

Girl you are so fine. You should come out to Chicago. Love to take you out some time.

She’s hot bro. Got more pics?

I’ll lick it girl.

So amazing. I’m fascinated by the psychology of people who crave actual interaction with their porn. “Nice sex! High five?” You think he actually called Kayden Kross “Hayden” on accident, or was that just a diabolical, Mystery-style negging pick-up strategy? I’m leaning towards the latter.

Which brings us to our next subheading…

Stories about Encounters with Celebrities

Around The Web