08.11.09 9 years ago 20 Comments

The most impressive thing about Brett Ratner is that he’s been able to consistently get directing jobs despite having little talent and the mind of a 12 year old.  But as often as I say things like that, I always half expect him to play against type, or be photographed reading a book, or do something to make himself less of a caricature.  To that end, he’s gotten himself a Twitter account, where he’ll likely discuss the opera and early 20th century Russian literature in order to prove he’s not exactly what we say he is.  Ha, just kidding, he spent six of his first seven tweets talking about the Jonas Brothers.  A 40-year-old man.  I can’t believe this is real:

– “This is ridiculous! It is soooo past the jonas Bros. bedtime!!!!”
– “Young boys shouldn’t wear such tight jeans. Bad for the sperm count!”
– “Nick can really bang them drums!!!”
– “I love the Jonas Brothers!!!”
– “‘You don’t know what its got until its gone.’ Nick Jonas”
– “There are some very hot moms at this Jonas Bros. concert! My only concern is that they know all the words to the songs.”

Come on, someone come clean, Brett Ratner is actually a Sacha Cohen character, right?  A figment of P Diddy’s imagination?  He fit 10 exclamation points into three sentences.  The only way a person could manage that is with a total lack of self awareness or high on crack cocaine.  I SAW A DOGGY ON THE STREET!!!!!!!  IT’S REALLY FCKING SUNNY OUT TODAY!!!!!!  I LOVE GUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I’M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!!!!!

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