Bryan Cranston cast in Total Recall, which is set on Earth now… wait, what?

Few projects have people of my generation crying foul faster than the Len Wiseman (Live Free or Die Hard) remake of Total Recall starring Colin Farrell.  But the truth is, we’re getting older and the sooner we get used to being overrun by these Bieber-obsessed autotune toddlers from the Disney Channel, the easier it will be.  Another disturbing fact: if Total Recall (1990) was a person, it’d be old enough to drink legally (!!!).

Anyway, today’s news is that Bryan Cranston from Breaking Bad will be playing the bad guy in the remake (Yay!), but that’s not the weird part:

The original 1990 movie was based on a Philip K. Dick story, “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale.” The film  followed a man haunted by a recurring dream of journeying to Mars who buys a literal dream vacation from a company called Rekall Inc., which sells implanted memories. The man comes to believe he is a secret agent and ends up on a Martian colony, where he fights to overthrow a despotic ruler controlling the production of air.

The new story involves nation states Euromerica and New Shanghai, with Douglas Quaid (Farrell) a factory worker in the latter who begins to believe he is a spy, although he doesn’t know for which side.  Cranston would play Vilos Cohaagen, the leader of Euromerica who, under the cover of protecting his people, is secretly readying an invasion of New Shanghai. [THR]

Wait, so instead of being set on a Martian colony with freaky-looking aliens…

…it’s just going to have… Chinese people?  How is that interesting for me, I live in San Francisco.  And there’s no super-jacked hero for me to emulate?  What am I supposed to now, grow bushier eyebrows?  This whole thing just sucks.