C-Tate To Star In, Produce Contortionist’s Handbook

Senior Writer
08.10.10 21 Comments

(“Yo, girl, C-Tates just got a idea.”)

If it seems like there’s an overabundance of Channing Tatum news lately, it’s because our beloved C-Tates is the hardest working man in show business, truly fulfilling his destiny of becoming a leading man. The latest news is that Tatum will star and produce The Contortionist’s Handbook, based on the 2002 Craig Clevenger novel about a forger that changes identities. As always, C-Tates was more than willing to give us his amazing insight on this new conquest as a producer.

Yo girl, check it – I gots to be quick, ain’t actin’ a dick, but C-Tates can’t stick, cuz he workin’ films mad sick. Feel that, son, it’s ya boi, C-Tates. Can’t be yellin’ today cuz I ain’t hurtin’ my voice for no FilmDrank, heard. Ain’t nuthin’ against you playas, but C-Tate’s makin’ his dreams come true, producin’ like my man Dr. Dre. ‘Cept this ain’t nuthin’ but a G Thang, you ready? Ain’t nuthin’ but a C Thang, HAHA C-TATE, WHAT! RECOGNIZE, DEADLINE!

Stretching into a producing role with The Contortionist’s Handbook seems a logical progression for Tatum, the G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra star who broadened into the romance genre with the hit Dear John. The Contortionist’s Handbook won’t begin production until late 2011, understandable because Tatum is booked solid.

Yo girl, you needs to learn what a comma is, son. I ain’t booked solid. I’m booked, solid. Recognize before I break off some moves and make a fool out ya ass, right? But yo girl, I’m a award-winning actor, right? You think I can’t play no forger? Check it, I did me a little short film for Souf by $oufwess called “Morgan and Destiny’s Eleventeenth Date – The Zeppelin Zoo.” Yo girl, I had to copy and paste dat whack sh*t, but its got my boi Joseph Gordon Love-Hewitt. You can’t even see C-Tates because I gots a fake mustache on. Consider yo mind blown, beeyotch. Haha, yo girl, speaking of blown… C-TATE’S OUT! GI JOE, WHAT!

Video via Buzznet

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