Cameron Diaz Is A Bitter, Abusive Spinstress In The ‘Annie’ Trailer

Adorable kids singing? Random dance scenes on rooftops and in the middle of the streets of a huge city? Cameron Diaz looking like she hasn’t slept in the three days since Alex Rodriguez kicked her out of his laundry room? The new trailer for Sony’s modern retelling of Annie has it all, with Quvenzhané Wallis playing the titular orphan trying to get a taste of the good life, thanks to a fateful run-in with a wealthy stranger. Jamie Foxx plays the new Daddy Warbucks named Benjamin Stacks, and like any rich person seeking political office, he knows that having a young girl move in with him will only get him good press and nobody would have ever questioned it otherwise.

Meanwhile, I can’t help but think about what this might have looked like if it had starred Willow Smith as originally intended, but sometimes a girl just has to follow her heart to escape a life of fame, so she can grow up like a normal kid whose parents buy them iconic movie franchises so they’ll love them more.

Annie hits theaters on December 19, just in time for actual orphans to ask a mall Santa for loving families, before he burps cheap bourbon into their eyes.