Channing Tatum’s GQ Twitter Takeover Was As Disappointing As They Come

He made it seem like it was going to be epic, as all the kids on the Internet used to say, but Channing Tatum’s GQ Twitter takeover was the most disappointing thing that he’s done since he walked away from the Step Up franchise. For one hour this afternoon, the man that we lovingly call C-Tates answered questions from his fans while using GQ’s Twitter handle, since his own mentions are probably filled with my demands that he be my best friend. So what did we learn about Tatum from this cross-promotional stunt for both this month’s issue of GQ and tomorrow’s release of 22 Jump Street? That the hardest twerkin’ playboy in show bizna$$$ty is kind of boring.

Maybe he was distracted by the World Cup opening ceremony or the U.S. Open, but C-Tates answered nine whole questions from fans in the one hour that he set aside for them, and not one of them dealt with important topics like Gambit’s role in the X-Men franchise, if there will be a 23 Jump Street and whether or not he’ll be my best friend already, damn it. Instead, I hope you like marshmallows, because you’re about to be served some fluff.

AWWWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAH!!! Jenko’s about to let down his JNCOs and get all up in dat hot Twizznizzitter sheeit.

I would have guessed adjusting to scenes with Ice Cube after awkwardly asking him to do the Kid N Play dance from House Party.

Life Lesson No. 1: When a fly girl b all, “What up, boo?” u b like, ‘Damn baby, shake dat ass’ n get dem digits, son. Life Lesson No. 2: Don’t be afraid to cry on camera.

I’d pay $100 to watch C-Tates and Ice Cube perform a secret handshake.

They f*cking got married! What kind of stupid question is that?

We’re not interested. We’re fascinated. Everyone, including Tatum, knows his success is the work of Vince and myself, though.

Here’s a female Alabama fan finding out that C-Tates is also a fan:

And yet this isn’t being written as a TV series by Danger Guerrero and myself at this moment.

Is it possible that C-Tates doesn’t know BRO humor despite being the Alpha Bro?

YAWWWWWWWWWN, we already know this, people. Why the f*ck do I write a Channing Tatum Fan Club newsletter if nobody f*cking reads it?

Whatever, bye jerk. (Just kidding, I love you, C-Tates.)