Comments of the Week, and Tom Cruise's greatest defender

Senior Editor
02.28.12 50 Comments

This is your shirt. This is your shirt on dogs.

I know I failed to get your comments of the week post up yesterday, but that’s the thing about Comments of the Week and periods, better late than never. And thanks to the ‘Drunkard who sent me this picture of your dog wearing a filmdrunk shirt. I can’t find your email to call you out by name, but you know who you are, and your dog looks very huggable. Okay, comments of the week, let’s get to it.

I chose the winner myself this week, because not enough people were voting. We nominate by copy and pasting in the comments thread of the most recent Comments of the Week post (i.e., this one). You can vote for the winner using the reply function. Also, one note on commenting: we’re trying to get the old, oldest-comments-on-top system back. At some point, you’ll be able to choose whether to view it oldest first like a traditional blog or newest on top, like a live thread. Anyway, that’s what’s happening. Here’s this week’s winner:

[From Indonesian actioner The Raid gets a new trailer, and a dumb new title]
Larry: If they really wanted buzz they’d change the title to “The Jakartist.”

So congratulations, Larry. Feel free to share your shirt with your brother Larry, and your other brother Larry. (Man that’s an old joke).

Before we get to the honorable mentions, I feel that we we owe a special shout out to an uninvited Google guest who seems to drop in on every old Tom Cruise-related post to defend ol’ midget space Jesus from our uncouth and unfounded “attacks.” I’m always fascinated by this phenomenon:

[From Ben Stiller has plans for Less Grossman movie (December, 2008)]
Sher: What a ridiculous post. Les Grossman was widely regarded as entertaining and funny. Tom Cruise did a brilliant job with his character and it added nicely to Tropic Thunder. If you think whoever found it funny was paid then you are the most pathetic, ignorant, and outright simple person that has written an article regarding this movie or character.

[From Mission Impossible 4 trailer]
Patty Boots: Tom is getting too old for this shit. Also, too creepy and too generally unlikable.
Also, tiny.

(reply) Sher: yet you read anything that even has his name in it. I am convinced you are absolutely mental.

[From my review of Mission Impossible 4]
Patty Boots: Tom is probably one of those guys who wears spandex legging-esque pants to yoga. Not a good look on guys, let me tell you.

(reply) Sher: if you don’t like someone then why do you read everything about them? mental?

[From A Supercut of Tom Cruise Running]
Sous Chef: My personal favorite Cruise commercial for running from gays

(reply) Sher: those who try to convince themselves that a stranger they’ve never met is gay or bisexual are usually trying to hide something.

Mo Charlo: Sometimes you just look at someone and you know they never played sports growing up. Twenty bucks says his dad never played catch with him, either.

(reply) Sher: His parents got divorced when he was very young. I guess it sucks he must not have had a privileged life like you. I don’t agree with your theory actually.

Patty Boots: That’s pretty impressive, actually. It must be hard to run in lifts.

(reply) Sher: media puppet has arrived. You must have experience running in lifts to know that it was possible to run in that form with them. But I see you obsessively commenting negatively on other articles about him. I think you might have some serious issues that you need to attend to instead…

Entertaining troll is entertaining! I’m always fascinated by the psychology of people who find every article about a celebrity and defend him from perceived attacks. If the grammar and spelling wasn’t so generally on point, I would’ve assumed it was a bot. But then, I say the same thing about Tom Cruise. Watch your back, Patty Boots, Scientology is onto you now.


From Of Course Lou Dobbs Thinks The Lorax is an Obama Plot to Create Enviro-Fascist Occu-Toddlers:

Honestly they should just make their own children’s movies. I’d like to see a movie with all of their ideals framed through the eyes of a child.
Like a little girl who gets a doll for Christmas that she didn’t ask for, but is forced to take care of it and make sure she doesn’t break it because all gifts are sacred. Or a sports movie where a little league baseball team with boosters dominates the league and trounces the underdogs in the finals because, “F*ck you. Work harder if you want to be able to afford the necessary equipment to compete.”


The Jersey Devil: Yeah, but does the quiver match the fletching?

From Stanley Kubrick’s list of movie titles that he never got around to making movies for:

Willy S: In the same vein, ADOBE ILLUSTRATOR would make a great movie about an old, crusty Navajo with OCD who couldn’t stop painting his house.

(Same thread)

Steve Bennet: When I hear “If only the Führer knew” I picture a 1940′s commercial for German hair color starring Eva Braun.

“Is that your natural hair color? If only the Führer knew.”

Larry: I dye my hair Eva Brown. Only my hairdresser knows for sure! So I vill shoot him mit ze Luger.

From This Week in Posters:

Moose (The Thread Ender): 
“attempts to overcome years of addiction, loneliness, and broken dreams. Intimate, raw, and unexpectedly funny”

Every commenter on this site.

And I’m sure there were far more funny comments than that that never got nominated. Thanks for playing along, guys. There’s so much less righteous indignation, self-seriousness, and broken grammar around these parts than in 99% of internet comments sections, and for that I’m thankful. I don’t know what I did to deserve you all, but I appreciate it. The least I can do is give out the occasional silly shirt.

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