04.26.09 10 years ago 75 Comments

Greetings, FilmDrunkards.  This week I’ve got TWO copies of Hotel for Dogs on DVD to give away (on sale Tuesday April 28th). It’s a film that needs little introduction, a film that CBS’ Mark S. Allen called “Bark out loud fun,” – which is also how I’d describe sex with his wife. (boosh). The hilarious and heartwarming canine comedy is packed with special features, including a commentary track by director Thor Freudenthal.  In related news, I can’t believe Thor Freudenthal is a real name.  From now on, I’d appreciate it if you all called me “Zeus Billionairestein.”

As always, the way this works is, at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of THIS post below.  I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

Anyway, homos, let’s yank the cord and fire up this circle jerk.

RoboPanda waxed poetic in the SLUMDOG ACTORS DAD TRIES TO SELL HER thread:

ROBOPANDA says: How’s that poem go?
Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Oscar child gets four times the dough.

Lovely. Next up, we go to Burnsy and Stone Soup for robot jokes in TRANSFORMERS FOOTAGE FROM SHOWEST:

STONE SOUP says: Bumblebee was so depressed that in the next scene, he shuts the garage door and leaves himself running.

BURNSY says: Bumblebee keys himself just to feel pain.

Also from Burnsy in the SNAKES ON A PLANE TV EDIT thread:

BURNSY says: You think that’s a bad edit? The Iranian version of Schindler’s List is 16 seconds.


MAXWELLDEMON says: Quit being so negative, f*ckers. Nobody doesn’t like Cera-Yi.

That would’ve been good enough to win most weeks, but this wasn’t “most weeks.”  And most people don’t go to work in their underpants, but these underpants aren’t “most underpants.” (*snaps elastic*)  Moving on… next up, Donkey Hodey in the SLUMDOG’S DAD SELLS HER thread:

DONKEY HODEY says: Sources say that he was close to a deal to sell her to a cop, a construction worker, and a biker, but the deal with the Indian fell through.

Also from Donkey Hodey:

[from MICHAEL BAY DIRECTED THE ORIGINAL ‘GOT MILK’ AD] DONKEY HODEY says: This wasn’t the last time Bay used peanut butter in the mouth in one of his films. That’s how he got Martin Lawrence to look like he was acting in both Bad Boys movies.

[from TOMMY AND THE COOL MULE] DONKEY HODEY says: They should have Carlos Mencia voice him and call him “Si, Biscuit.”

[from GRR SHIRTLESS INDIANS/PICTURES OF THE NEW MOON WOLFPACK] DONKEY HODEY says: Pictured: Two dreamcatchers, two dreampitchers.

If I could figure out what’s so funny about this next comment, I’d bottle it and sell it.  Then I’d put it in a turkey baster and shoot it up my butt.  But that’s my solution to everything.  From RICHARD DREYFUSS CAST IN ‘PIRANHA 3D’:

Agent: “Hi, Richard – I have a script you may want to re…”


Agent: “Um, well, yes. It’s a rema…”

RD: “I’LL TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!

With four or six or eight exclamation points, it just wouldn’t have worked.  But with ten?  (*kisses fingertips*)  (*vomits because fingertips taste like butthole*)

Next up, Stinky Peet with a play-on-words callback joke the origin of which I’m not even going to attempt to explain.  From THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE STARS PORNSTAR SASHA GREY:


AND NOW FOR THE MOTHER EFFING WINNERS!  Both of these are so damned good I want them to live inside me forever.  In all honesty, that I didn’t think of these makes me really angry. (*kicks stuffed animal*)

[from SHIRTLESS INDIANS IN THE TWILIGHT SEQUEL thread] DONKEY HODEY says: It’s a good thing Mormons aren’t racist or anything, otherwise somebody might find issue with the fact that the enemy of the beautiful vampire who’s so white he f*cking sparkles is a bunch of dangerous, feral minorities.

[from TOMMY AND THE COOL MULE] JOHN WAYNE IN A DEVO HAT says: William S. Burro would be a good name for a mule that does a lot of heroin.

Send me your addresses you brilliant sons of bitches.  And I’ll send you a DVD about a hotel.  FOR MOTHER EFFING DOGS. It’s a hell of a time to be alive, friends.  A hell of a time to be alive.  Zeus Billionairestein, out.

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