COMMENTS OF THE WEEK: HELL RIDE

Senior Editor
10.27.08 58 Comments

Howdy, folks.  Comments of the week time again.  Nominate your favorites for next week in the comments section of this post.  Hooray, anyone can play!  Who wants a participation ribbon?

Today’s winner gets Hell Ride (trailer here) on DVD.  Presented by Quentin Tarantino, from writer-director Larry Bishop, comes this biker movie homage to the spaghetti western, which follows a tough group of bikers as they seek to avenge the death of a loved one at the hands of a sadistic, rival motorcycle gang.  It’s in stores 10-28, and though it doesn’t have a Michael Madsen poetry track, it should because that would be awesome.

But first, the runners up.

In the Push trailer thread, in which Dakota Fanning plays a girl with mental powers, Rotwangchung exposed my soft spot for jokes at the expense of the disabled.

Rotwangchung says, “I know a ‘special’ girl who can move things with her mind…well, she drools and stares at the bus until the ramp lowers.”

The Merovingian kept it simple in the Terrence Howard might be a beat poet thread.

The Merovingian says, “I used to be a beat poet. Wait scratch that, I used to beat poets.”

In the Chuck Palahnuik/Haunted thread, Waffl3zz was equally succinct.

Waffl3zz says, “Proof that you’ll have a shitty time at a pool party if the pool sucks ass.”

Zog is a FilmDrunkard with a schtick who also refers to himself in the third person.  Beyond that, you’re on your own. (Also from the Chuck Palahnuik/Haunted thread):

Zog says, “Zog wonder why man cuddle coyote. Zog no care it a baby coyote. See coyote. Catch coyote. Eat coyote.”

Zog just back trip to Alaska. Annual running of coyote there. It like all Zog eat buffet. Coyote run all tied together. Zog need scare away coyote herder riding box behind coyote first.

Meanwhile, sasquatchwov proves newbies can make the list.  (from the Watchmen footage/Spike TV thread)

sasquatchwov says, “Spike TV is Maxim for the illiterate.”

So true.  And yet I like it when they show the sweaty men who punch each other.  Elsewhere, namely, the Heath Ledger’s Last Role thread, RoboPanda also kept it real.

RoboPanda says, “I thought Heath Ledger’s last roll was when he fell out of the bed?”

See, without the question mark it might have seemed insensitive.  From the Zac Efron/Pirates 4 Rumor thread:

Rock Strongo says, “Vanessa Hudgens could co-star as a character named ‘Beard’.”

From Catherine Zeta-Jones and the 3-D Cleopatra Musical thread:

Chino Moreno says, “Catherine Zeta-Jones committed career suicide with the asp that is known as Michael Douglas’ cock.”

In the Crispin Glover thread, Waffl3zz proves he does absurd as well as succinct.

Waffl3zz says, “I’d like to see Crispin Glover and Gary Busey put in the same room to debate the fiscal reponsibilty of chickens with blue pants when Haitians start to crap plastic.”

And the winner, with, if not the funniest comment, certainly the most inspired… JHC.  From the R.I.P. Dolemite thread:

If I tried to rhyme every sentence I spoke,
I’d get midway through a sentence and begin to choke.

Rudy Ray Moore was tight, in the parlance of our times,
But I’m just white, and lacking in rhymes.

You kicked ass and took names with passion and fervor,
But I guess you should have kept better track of your blood sugar.

RIP Dolemite

I would’ve liked to see you work Wilford Brimley in there somehow, but nonetheless, good enough to win a DVD.

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