The epic Charlie Sheen media meltdown interrupted our normal comments of the week schedule in a supernova of adonis blood and gnarlyness this morning, but we’re trying to get this ship back on track. Here are the best comments of last week (and today). And if you’re new here, don’t be afraid to speak your mind in the comments, just know that these are examples of how internet commenting is done properly. These aren’t ALL the best comments of last week, but they are the best of the ones people remembered to nominate. Nominate your favorite by copy and pasting your favorite in the comments section below.
The winner? It was close, but Asher could not be denied. From The First Look at Detroit’s Robocop Statue:
Asher says: They could also wire the statue to give off heat. Bums could sleep around the base to keep warm, and it’d look like Robocop just slaughtered a pile of hobos.
Get this man on the planning committee. Also, from the Tim & Eric Movie:
Asher says: I’m beginning to think that there might be more than one Franco. At some point in the near future, Michael Caine is going to explain what the Prestige is, and two more Francos are going to come out from behind a curtain, bantering amongst themselves in perfect iambic pentameter.
Well done, Asher. You just won yourself a t-shirt, provided you can email me. It shall be flown to you post-haste via F-18. Come with me after the jump for the honorable mentions:
I feel bad for putting Moose in second, because this was brilliant. From The King’s Speech set used to be a gay porn set:
Moose says: Colin Firth movie thet wath uthed for filming colon firth.
Stunning. Next up, Ax Anderson’s mastery of fictionalized Franco. From James Franco wants to film a real gang fight:
Ax Anderson says: Ok, guys, before the gangfight begins, I feel its necessary to clarify the symbolism of my various tattoos.
See, the snake with a flaming skull for a head is a representation of Foucault’s lingering dilemma of the actor as a representation of the self in binary. Its all very theoretical.
Meanwhile, I see the heart with the knife through it as a fundamental statement about the nature of violence as a replacement in the human soul for the nurturing of genuine companionship. I consider it to be sort of a visual reference to a lot of the themes I tackled in my most recent visual experience “L’jest du mon dicknose.”
Ax Anderson says: Ok, so what do you want from James Franco in this knife fight? You want him to cut somebody? Alright, I can get him to do that. I can get Franco to cut somebody. But you have to ask yourself, why do I want Franco to cut somebody? What does it mean? See in my thesis for my PhD. in nasusphallistic philosophy I have been getting him to really get to the core of the question here. Are we just, like, cutting flesh or something deeper? I can stab you, but I wouldn’t really… you know… be stabbing “you.” Just what I have come to conceive of you.
That is deep, man. Next, from This Cat Totally Looks Like Voldemort (my favorite story before Charlie Sheen nap-flew his F-18 into my troll heart):
ChinoMoreno says: I bet that pussy doesn’t smell so well.
White Girl: Damn Tyler Perry, yo ass stank!
Black Girl: Say what? Bitch, go home and hump yo Twilight cat
Asian Girl: Ya’ll need to stop eatin’ the square root of Pi!
What, no Latino Girl? God, Michelle, your sketch is just like a stock photo ad.
From Chet Haze is playing South By SouthWeezy (I nearly forgot about this story entirely, that’s how powerful Charlie Sheen is):
Gymshortz says: “Traffic, traffic, looking for my chapstick”
Y’all know I had to sacrifice fo the rhymes, that’s how legit I am, everyone knows Carmex is the Hennessy of lip balms. Bitch.
That’s all for this week, folks.