Comments of the Week: Theater Kid Edition

It’s time for the best weekly comment round-up this side of the Mississippi. So while we wait for the Game of Thrones torrents, let’s look back at some of last week’s best comments. Don’t see one of your favorites? Chances are it wasn’t nominated properly! All you gotta do is post it in this thread’s comments section and BOOM, I might ignore it.

Pumped about that movie starring Kate Upton’s BEWBS? Well so was one other person!

The Hammer: Oh everyone likes forty year old women bickering at each other. Can I pre-order tickets to this movie? *places gun in mouth*

Godspeed, Hammer. If you’d only wait, I’m sure the combined shrillness of Cameron Diaz and The Neck Tendons Formerly Known as Leslie Mann will effectively microwave your brain. True story: I saw The Mask when I was five I put green Silly Putty all over my face so I could pick up hot chicks like Cameron Diaz. A dermatologist had to remove it. Moving on.

Even our esteemed Editor-in-chief, Mr. Vince Mancini (née Mankini), visited the dregs to nominate a fan of his April Fool’s article:

Donkey Hodey: That’s a great bit of work gagging us on about what an overly earnest pussy would say. Well done on your April Fool’s piece.

We’ve all been had. There’s also this last-minute submission from that truly nauseating Heaven Is For Real clip:

LastTexansFan: Oh f*ck this in all its assholes.

Otto Man: This movie is so cloyingly evangelical that’s probably the only way it f*cks.

[Kisses fingertips] Perfecto, much like the unstoppable ~Laugh Train~ from breakout star Samuel Feckett, who must be a student of linguistics:

Samuel Feckett:“…a teacher at a retarded school.”

Does that mean she teaches retarded children? Or is the school retarded because all the doors are on the roof and the windows are made of bricks?

You’re garnering quite a bit of attention for yourself, Miss Feckett. Be careful… I hear the spotlight can get… hot [extinguishes cigarette in own asscrack]. Finally, the Lion King thread. I’m proud of you all for hating on theater kids, because it’s the reaction that makes them most incredulous. Nearly every comment deserves mention, and it should be no surprise that the Comment of the Week and Runner-up of the Week both come from this collection of filmdrunken bitterness.

Power Donut Man: This would be the best way to calm my usually jittery pre-flight nerves, because I would go from worrying about a crash to hoping for one.

So true. Nothing helps me chill out more than channeling my life’s rage into some mouth-breathing stranger. That and half a bottle of Xanax. At last, by popular vote, the winner:

Al: I have HAD it with these motherf*cking flakes on this motherf*cking plane!

Congratulations, Al. As promised, here’s a portrait of you.

Everyone else, remember to keep your wits about you and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. Next week’s winner gets an invite to my portrait auction.