Cross-eyed opossum to predict the Oscars. USA! USA! USA!

Jimmy Kimmel Live has reportedly hired Heidi the Cross-Eyed Opossum* to predict this year’s Oscar winners, leading to this delightful BBC Article:

A cross-eyed, overweight opossum has won an unlikely starring role in coverage of this year’s Oscars.

Okay, I like where this is going, tell me more…

Heidi is an opossum who became a German media sensation and now has a global following, with 300,000 Facebook fans. Details of her contract are confidential but it seems she will be predicting the award winners. Producers of the show may be hoping she can emulate the success of another German celebrity creature, Paul the Octopus.

I knew Paul the Octopus.  I worked with Paul the Octopus.  You, madame, are no Paul the Octopus.  Still, it’s undeniable that furry animals with disabilities are both hilarious and heartwarming (see also: the fainting kitties, Charley the Retarded Cat).  Sometimes I think if scientists could just teach special needs kids to grow fur, it’d be much easier to find special ed teachers.

He won global fame during last year’s football World Cup, correctly predicting the outcome of all seven German games plus the Spain-Netherlands final.

Somehow I doubt a fat opossum that can’t see will be a worthy replacement for an able-bodied cephalopod that was clearly a warlock. But if it’s between a disabled marsupial and the people who nominated The Blind Side last year, I’ll take the marsupial.  Maybe Heidi can even be the first to point out that The King’s Speech was boring and predictable.  Opossums are notoriously unswayed by fancy acting.

*Quick science note here: it seems “possum” refers to marsupials native to Australia, New Guinea, and Suluwesi, while “opossum” refers to Western Hemisphere marsupials.  Since Opossum sounds kind of stupid to say, I guess we have to accept that in certain cases, we’re actually saying ‘possum, not possum. Now, if someone could just add the Godd*mn G that belongs on the end of “orangutan”, we’d be set.