03.19.08 10 years ago 32 Comments

Sam Raimi bringing back Jack Ryan
The Tom Clancy character played by Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford and Ben Affleck is being brought back to life by Sam Raimi.  Hopefully with a chainsaw for a hand.

Eastwood to star and direct Gran Torino
No word on the plot yet, but from the title, it sounds like a car-racing picture. Expect Eastwood to confuse the other drivers by leaving his fucking turn signal on the entire race.

Michael Cera in Scott Pilgrim’s Little Life
To be directed by Hot Fuzz‘ Edgar Wright.  Pre-pubescent boys seemed way less cool when I was pre-pubescent.  2006 was a dark time.

Adam Brody and JK Simmons join Diablo Cody movie
Brody and Simmons are in talks to join the cast of Jennifer’s Body, the follow up Diablo Cody/Jason Reitman collaboration. I was in negotiations to be in Jennifer’s Body as well, but the talks broke down when Jennifer thought it was creepy the way I stare at her.  Prude.

Justice League update
Justice League is now called Justice League: Mortal and won’t be shot in Australia after the govt. refused it a tax rebate. Director George Miller whined that they were making a huge mistake. “Oi, hahden the fuck up, ya cunt,” I imagine a minister responded.

Sly writing another Rambo sequel
He says this one won’t be a war movie.  Will Rambo find love and save the rec center… from zombies?  With the help of a hip hop dance crew?  

2001 writer Arthur C. Clarke Dead
First Anthony Minghella, now Art Clarke – these things always happen in threes.  Gosh I hope the good lord spares Brett Ratner yet again!

Vice Guide to North Korea
Vice has a fun little travel series about the world’s goofiest oppressive dictatorship.

And last but not least, not film-related but certainly important:

Swan, swan-shaped boat to part ways
Oh sure, when an animal wants to bone something inanimate it’s cute, but when I do it it’s illegal?  Screw you, Nordstrom’s, you fucking fascists.

[Thanks to Robo for many of these tips] 


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