DISNEY DISCRIMINATES AGAINST BUSTY SLUTS

Senior Editor
03.22.10 21 Comments

A recent casting notice from Disney has finally answered the Pirates of the Caribbean 4 question that’s been on all our minds: WILL THE TITTIES BE BIG AND JIGGLY??

The movie studio has banned actresses with artificial enhancements for the fourth installment, “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.”  The filmmakers sent out a casting call last week seeking “beautiful female fit models. Must be 5ft7in-5ft8in, size 4 or 6, no bigger or smaller. Age 18-25. Must have a lean dancer body. Must have real breasts. Do not submit if you have implants.”

To make sure LA talent scouts don’t get caught in a “booby trap,” [Editor’s Note: to be successful, a pun has to actually make sense] potential lassies will have to undergo a Hollywood-style jiggle-your-jugs test and jog for judges. If there’s nothing moving from the waist up, they’re saying, it’s a dead giveaway that you’re not all flesh and bones — and you’re out.

“In the last movie, there were enhanced breasts to give that 18th-century whorish look, and men were pretty well padded too, and no one worried,” a former casting agent said. “But times are changing, and the audience can spot false breasts.” [NYPost]

Man, I wish I could see a Hollywood-style jiggle-your-jugs test.  So far I’ve only witnessed Cheetahs-by-the-airport jiggle-your-jugs tests.  (Your sister passed).  But I’m glad they’ve taken this step towards realism.  I know if I was trying to watch a movie about Johnny Depp in eyeliner, dancing skeletons, and Orlando Bloom as a pirate, and I spotted some fake tits, I would walk the hell out and demand a refund.  Also, I have a casting idea:

Olivia-Munn-Boobs-Jiggle

[image source]

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