1. “That Everything Is Awesome” number was amazing and I will fight anyone who disagrees. It had Will Arnett playing guitar in a Batman suit and Mark Mothersbaugh in a Lego Devo hat for God’s sake. What does it take to please you people if not that? Another weepie Tim McGraw number for closeted country fans? More Adam Levine? Your punishment for being a joyless dick should be to have to listen to the last three Maroon 5 albums back to back to back. Hope you like terrible jazz guitar riffs, grouch.
Almost as good as the number itself was the people in the audience still holding their Lego Oscars. Fantastic. The LEGO Movie won the Oscars without winning any Oscars (and I say this as someone who didn’t really like the ending of the movie).
2. I’ve started to get inevitable thinkpiece nausea watching these things (ITN). Whether it was Patricia Arquette’s speech, NPH making a ball joke after the lady who described her son’s suicide, the right wing derp machine’s inevitable spinning of American Sniper not winning any big awards or any number of random things that could be parlayed into page views, it’s like I constantly have one foot in the present and one in some jackass’s inevitable hot take about that present. It’s the worst. Patricia Arquette says women should get paid equally, and Meryl Streep and J Lo are hailed as heroes for clapping for it. Then some idiot writes an op/ed about how it was actually a bad speech (I’ve seen these from both the right and the left, amazingly) and you’re left to wonder, “Gee, maybe they really are heroes for agreeing with something so controversial as the notion that people should get paid equal wages for equal work.” There is nothing too trivial to be spun into a “teaching moment.” It is impossible to agree on anything long enough to get anything done if someone gets up and says “murder is bad!” and everyone still argues about it. I need medication to curb my ITN. A vaccine, perhaps. Oh dammit.
3. Neil Patrick Harris was great. Maybe it’s my low expectations, but I thought he did a fine job. There is no task more thankless than Oscars host. And he kept it moving with jokes throughout, refusing to play the local newscaster game of trying to look sad and grave to milk every low moment for maximum gravitas. He followed a lady describing her son’s suicide with a ball joke. And you know what? I liked that. It doesn’t need to be any more self-serious, it’s the f*cking Oscars. NPH was like the citrus note that cut through the richness of everyone crying every five seconds. And A+ to whichever writer came up with “John Travolta will have to come back next year to apologize to Idina Menzel for all the face touching.” Maybe an obvious joke, but the quick turnaround was impressive.
4. On that note, you have to give John Travolta credit for managing to be so weird that no one even talks about his hair.