When you’re a super famous A-list movie star like Channing Tatum, and you’ve already saved the leader of the free world from domestic terrorists, you don’t have much to fear. But our boy C-Tates, inventor of the “Dick Graze” and genuinely one of the nicest guys in Hollywood, actually has one very serious fear that he’s been living with for a long, long time – creepy ass porcelain dolls. Appearing on yesterday’s Ellen, Tatum didn’t realize that everyone’s favorite daytime talk show host was just waiting to ambush him with two of the freakiest-looking dolls that she could find, so she could drive him away from superstardom and into a mental hospital.
As with almost anything, I’m Team C-Tates on this one. Porcelain dolls are f*cking weird and kids shouldn’t own them at all. Hell, I’m freaked out by little girls owning baby dolls in general, because they almost always say something eerie like, “Baby says you’re going to die in your sleep tonight, daddy.” Mostly, I blame Seinfeld for reminding us how creepy dolls can be.