‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Teddy Bear Will ‘Help You Dominate Valentine’s Day’

I contend that if you’re buying a grown woman a teddy bear as a present then you’ve already lost the battle with being super creepy, but in the event that you wanted to double down, Vermont Teddy Bear is offering a Christian Grey-inspired Fifty Shades of Grey bear. Coincidentally, “grey bear” is listed as a preferences in my Grindr profile.

If you want to dominate Valentine’s Day, skip the roses and send the limited-edition Fifty Shades of Grey Bear. Inspired by the best-selling book, the adult gift is specially designed for fans obsessed with Grey, biting their lips with anticipation over the movie. He features smoldering eyes, a suit and satin tie, mask – even mini handcuffs. Handmade in Vermont, USA using the silkiest fur we can get our paws on; smooth, faux-suede details and 100% recycled stuffing. Guaranteed for life.
15″ Fifty Shades of Grey® Bear
KK0015958 $89.99 [VermontTeddyBear]

Christian Grey Bear can run up to 35 miles per hour so you’re better off just playing dead. The safe word is “picnic basket.”