Florida Friday: Woman Keys Giant Penis Into Hood Of Car, Leaves Note Explaining Why

05.24.13 5 years ago 17 Comments

In a rare but exciting twist, I actually find myself sympathizing with the subject of today’s Florida Friday installment. Twenty-three year old Natasha Myers was arrested in Wesley Chapel – the Al Bab to Tampa’s Aleppo – after Pasco sheriff’s deputies reviewed security footage from a Publix parking lot and determined that she was the person responsible for vandalizing 63-year old Debra Streets’ silver Kia SUV.

Myers apparently fancied herself a bit of a vigilante when she used her key to draw a giant penis on the hood of Streets’ car after she was allegedly driving like a c-word. But Myers, in a strange display of Floridian manners, then walked into the Publix, asked the clerk for a Post-It note and wrote an explanation as to why Streets now has a big ol’ dong on her hood.

“Hey I keyed your car,” it read. “You didn’t stop for pedestrians as is law. Since no cop to enforce a ticket, this should cover the cost of your fine. Have a good day. P.S. Don’t be a d—.”

The owner of the car, Debra Streets, 63, found the note and the damage soon after it happened on April 17. She went into the Publix and called 911. The damage to the SUV: $1,240.13. (Via the Tampa Bay Times)

Here’s the thing – everyone in Florida drives like a complete dick. I guarantee that when Myers got in her car and drove home, she did so like a dick. When the cops showed up at her house to arrest her and take her to jail, they likely drove like dicks, too. So I get why Myers did what she did, because there have been countless times that I’ve wanted to do so much worse to people who don’t use turn signals*.

But keying someone’s car? That’s still not cool, unless you’re a drunken female country singer. With hopes of encouraging more people to let drivers know when they’re being dicks, but to also discourage vandalism and property damage, I made this sign that you can print up and place on windshields.

Also, this seems relevant:

*Seriously, if you’re the kind of person who can’t be bothered to use a turn signal when you’re making any sort of turn that isn’t in a specified turn lane, I pray nightly that there’s a special place in hell for you. And may that place be nothing but a Florida highway, on which you’re stuck behind a 95-year old woman in a Lincoln Town Car with the blinker on in the fast lane for the rest of eternity.

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