Food Network Star Power Rankings Week 10: The Loser’s Bracket

Senior Editor
08.10.15 28 Comments
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This week on Food Network Star, it was down to the final three contestants. Haha, psych! You didn’t think they were going to pass up an opportunity to bring someone back from the loser’s bracket, did you? The winner of Food Network Star‘s ripoff of Top Chef‘s Last Chance Kitchen (yes, I watch too many cooking shows), “Star Salvation,” turns out to be, surprise, Dom. I knew they wouldn’t work so hard to turn that guy into sentimental favorite if they weren’t going to bring him back (are reality show-editing conspiracy theories the lowest form of conspiracy theory? discuss.).

That means it’s down to four, or more accurately back up to four: Jay (Fat, Cajun), Eddie (Muscular, Sports), Arnold (Drag Queen, Decorating), and Dom (Sensitive, Staten Island). Only three contestants get to make pilots, meaning someone’s getting eliminated in the first half of the show. Giada tells the contestants that they’ll have 45 minutes to cook something in line with their point of view, “but you’ll have some help.”

It’s at this point that the producers bring out all the eliminated contestants, and the final four feign surprise. That must be the first question on the potential reality competition questionnaire, by the way: can you pretend to be surprised when we bring back the eliminated contestants for the last challenge like they do on every reality show ever?

Each of the contestants has to pick an eliminated contestant to be their sous chef. Eddie chooses Too-Sweet-For-This-World Alex (makes sense, dude can cook), Jay picks Emilia, aka the Harissabot 5000, Arnold chooses Rue, and Dom chooses Matthew The Obnoxious Twink. Sita, Rosa, and the other one whose name I don’t remember just stand there sad after not getting picked and have to leave. I really hope the show flew them out to New York just to stand there for two minutes and look sad about not getting picked. That should be a montage.

Dom probably deserves to lose this solely for giving Matthew five more minutes of screen time. I feel like the guy complaining about the pro wrestling heel being mean when I hate this kid, so I tell myself that what I’m really mad about is the reality show convention that requires every show to have a transparent heel. If this reality show was a pro wrestling competition, I’d in the front row with a giant sign that said “HE’S NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS.”

Arnold’s lamb sausage turns out dry and has a lackluster presentation, and he ends up getting eliminated. Wait, so Arnold and Dom both beat each other one time, but Dom gets to stay and Arnold is out? How does that bracket work? Shouldn’t they have to have a rubber match? Sports fans would never stand for this crap.

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