10.10.07 11 years ago 62 Comments

"Video game adaptation" is right up there with "full cavity search" and "Jonathan Taylor Thomas" when it comes to bile inducing three-word-phrases.   Still, even I have to admit that the trailer for Hitman looked kind of cool.  Plus, all that opera kinda makes me want to nail a fat chick with pigtails.  Or maybe just Bugs Bunny dressed as a fat chick with pigtails.

Anyway, the latest news is that, according to TwitchFilm, 20th Century Fox has taken Hitman out of the control of director Xavier Gens, who supposedly made an explicit, gore and head-shot-filled R movie; and put it in the hands of Nicolas De Toth.

Who’s De Toth?  He’s the man behind the edit of Live Free Or Die Hard, a job he was hired for specifically to turn in an entirely bloodless version of the film and word is that this is his task with Hit Man as well. [sic]

Gosh, I’m glad they’re sanitizing all this violence so that young children can see it.  Otherwise they’d grow up much too fast.  Like me, the first couple times I shot people in the face with a shotgun, I was confused when they didn’t turn all grey and smokey with their bills on the wrong side and little birdies flying around their head like Daffy Duck; they pretty much just laid there without a face and bled to death.  It took four or five times of this before I finally saw the birdies. And that, my friends, was the day I became a man.  

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