‘Francesca Eastwood Seeks Annulment from Jonah Hill’s Brother’ Is A Masterpiece of Star F*cking

For the past few days, I’d been seeing this story going around about Clint Eastwood’s daughter Francesca seeking an annulment from a guy she married in Vegas last week. I half ignored it, and the only thing that stood out about it was how mean the NY Post was being to the guy. They called him everything from a “Shrek look-alike” to “Jonah Hill’s pit-stained brother,” which I thought was unnecessarily mean for a guy whose only crime was hooking up with someone connected to a celebrity. They were so unduly harsh that I didn’t actually realize that “Jonah Hill’s pit-stained brother” wasn’t just an insult. The guy, Jordan Feldstein, is Jonah Hill’s actual brother. Man, you take one bad Getty Images picture…

In fact, this entire story is a veritable feast of Hollywood insider incestuousness, like eating off the entertainment industry’s scummy floor.

A little more than a week ago, Clint Eastwood’s gorgeous daughter got hitched to Jonah Hill’s pit-stained brother in a drunken Las Vegas ceremony — and now she wants the courts to unmake her day.

Francesca Eastwood, 20, stumbled down the aisle of Las Vegas’ Simple Wedding Chapel on Nov. 17 to wed “Shrek” look-alike Jordan Feldstein, 35, in a Christian ceremony held in front of an Elvis impersonator. [NY Post]

See, you can’t put “Shrek look-alike” and “Jonah Hill’s pit-stained brother” so close to each other when one is true and one is an insult, how I was I supposed to know? But I digress.

The 20-year-old daughter of actor Clint Eastwood married Jordan Feldstein, 35, brother of actor Jonah Hill, on Nov. 17 during a quickie ceremony at Las Vegas’ Simple Wedding Chapel, TMZ reported, and a wedding license was filed with the Clark County Recorder’s Office in Nevada. [LA Times]

She’s getting the week-long marriage annulled … TMZ has learned. Sources close to the regretful couple tell us … the notion of getting hitched was fueled by alcohol — and lots of it. [TMZ]

But not so fast, there are at least three more random famous people’s names to be thrown into this mix:

Eastwood is the daughter of the Oscar winner and actress Frances Fisher, 61, who played Kate Winslet’s mother in “Titanic.”

The party-loving Francesca starred on the reality-TV show “Mrs. Eastwood & Company” with her stepmother and other family members in their fancy California home.

Feldstein is a music manager who made his name launching the career of his childhood friend, superstar Adam Levine of Maroon 5. He also manages Robin Thicke of “Blurred Lines” fame. [NY Post]

Of course he manages Adam Levine. I’m a firm believer that everything soulless and evil in the world eventually comes back to Adam Levine, and his greasy, bouncy, God-awful Beegees nightmare music.

The quickie wedding must have been a big surprise to Francesca’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, celeb photographer Tyler Shields, who said in February, “I’m really into Francesca . . . We will definitely get married. I’ve been looking at rings and I plan to propose in an interesting way.” [NY Post]

Let this be a cautionary tale for anyone who dreams of fame and fortune in the film business: You may become one of the most respected actors and directors of your generation, and even that won’t stop you from ending up married to a reality show star and having a daughter who ends up f*cking Tyler Shields.

Adam Levine, Tyler Shields, Clint Eastwood’s daughter, Jonah Hill’s brother, and Alan Thicke’s son. Jesus God, this story is a Bling Ring fever dream. I think Jack Nicholson sums it up best:

Banner pics via Getty