07.28.09 9 years ago 15 Comments

A production company that remakes old horror movies is kinda like a meth dealer, and the clientele is largely the same.  Platinum Dunes is just such a company.  Their latest half-cooked project is a Nightmare on Elm Street remake, and director Samuel Bayer thinks he has a fool-proof plan to make us give a sh*t again.  What’s that plan, you ask?  MORE XXXXTREEEME!!! MORE BODIES HITTING THE FLOOOOR!!! 

Fewer one-liners, more flat-liners. That’s what fans should expect when the rebooted Freddy Krueger shreds his way onto screens in April.

Also: less line reading, more line snorting.

“I don’t think it’s a funny movie. If a character is wisecracking and killing you at the same time, it’s not very funny,” says Samuel Bayer, director of the new A Nightmare on Elm Street. “I’m taking this very seriously.”

“It’s (going to be) darker, more serious, more intense and hopefully scarier,” says Jackie Earle Haley, who inherits the role [after resurrecting his career by playing a wisecracking killer in WatchmenEd] from genre icon Robert Englund . [Canoe]

I agree, serious and earnest is definitely the way to go when you’re doing an unnecessary remake.  People love that.  That’s why when I sing karaoke, I pretend I’m actually the person whose song I’m singing for at least a week ahead of time.  And then when I sing the song, I do it better than the original.  Because when I sing “I wanna hold your hand,” people know that I really do want to hold the f*ck out of your hand.

Around The Web