Frotcast 55: Transformers, Twit Fic w/Lindy, UFC Skills w/Pauly

The whole crew was back for this week’s Frotcast, which included NOT ONE BUT TWO guests. Lindy West came on to read hard-boiled Twitter fiction from DrunkExpatWriter (you may remember him from last week?). The secret ingredient to his work is “anal rape.” We also brought on all-star commenter and Twitter impresario Pauly Dangerously to play the UFC Special Skills game. You know how before every UFC fight they put up a graphic with three bullet points showing a fighter’s special skills?  Stuff like “Heavy hands,” “College wrestler,” etc.? We all made lists of UFC Special Skills we’d like to see.  Things like “Crazy ‘Bout Elvis,” “Believes in Jesus,” “Loves to laugh,” “Does great Christopher Walken,” and my favorite, which was Brendan’s, “Yells out what he’s about to do.”

Email us at, Subscribe on iTunes, and download this week’s episode here (right-click, “save as.”) We’d love to hear your hard-boiled twit fic submissions, UFC Special Skills, and ESPECIALLY ideas for new games. Episode notes and time stamps:

  • 3:44 – Discussing Food Network’s new I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-satire show, EXTREME CHEF!!! (promo after the jump)
  • 7:55 – Brendan’s idea for an Oregon Trail reality show
  • 14:42 – Email from reader Zach, “Poop Transplant Round Table.”
  • 20:40 – The UFC Special Skills Game with Pauly
  • 37:22 – Hard-boiled Twitter Fiction with Lindy West. (*finger snaps*)  SUBMIT YOUR OWN!
  • 47:00 – Talking Transformers 3, which Ben liked, because he is a child. I posit that there are two types of human characters in Transformers, “zombies” and “Daffy Ducks.”
  • 1:04:00 – The biggest movie flops of 2011.  Can you guess them?
  • 1:15:00 – My stories about working on infomercials, including the bodybuilder from the Ab Scissor commercial who measured his pee in measuring cups to keep track of liquid intake.

Fantasy Box Office Standings and Extreme Chef “Sizzle Reel” below…

XXXTREEEME CHEF, OOOOH WHA-AH AH AH!  (*bites head off live bat, plates uni foam*)


Vince’s Picks:

1. Harry Potter
2. X-Men: First Class ($55.1 million opening)
3. Green Lantern ($53 million)
4. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
BOMB PICK: The Change Up

Ben’s (The Ear Rapist) Picks:

1. Cars 2 ($66 million)
2. Super 8 ($35.45 million)
3. Zookeeper
4. Friends with Benefits
BOMB PICK: The Smurfs

Brendan’s (Human Giant) Picks:

1. Transformers 3 ($98 million)
2. Captain America
3. Bad Teacher ($31 million)
4. Mr. Popper’s Penguins ($18.2 million)
BOMB PICK: Green Lantern ($200 million production budget minus $53 million gross = -$147 million)

Bret’s (Grumpiest Man Alive) Picks:

1. Cowboys and Aliens
2. Smurfs
3. Spy Kids 4
4. Horrible Bosses
BOMB PICK: Transformers 3 ($195 million budget minus $98 million opening = – $97 million. A surprisingly decent pick).

Sadly, I don’t see how Brendan can lose at this point.